Has anyone ever told you you're shy?
Maybe you connect more with words like reserved, introverted, awkward, or cautious.
What word you choose doesn't matter. There are a lot of us whose default is to keep quiet.
It's been a good strategy for not saying something you'll regret.
My parents were old-school and believed children should be seen and not heard. In my case, it wasn't children, just me, a child, and there was no such thing as collaborative parenting.
My parents didn't consult me--they informed me.
In school, I kept quiet. It felt safe.
The nuns dispensed discipline with smacks to the head and rulers to the knuckles. I was terrified I would be hit, although I never was.
I grew up at the tail end of the baby boom. With so many kids in one class, it was easy to become invisible. Teachers had little time to nurture the quiet kids because they were too busy being lion tamers to a hundred cubs.
I was amazed at how much people spoke up in high school and college and how much intelligence and confidence they exuded. Higher education promotes thinking and speaking for yourself, yet I didn't feel ready to speak up. I hadn't had much practice.
Thoughts of not enoughness plagued me.
What if I said the wrong thing? What if I made a mistake? I was sure I'd be the laughing stock.
I was a prisoner of my mind.
In yoga philosophy, we call this condition "citta vrttis," meaning fluctuations of the mind. Each of us has experienced how the vrttis—which include emotions, memories, and imagination—spin around inside the mind, especially when we try to meditate.
Yoga is the control of thought-waves in the mind. —Swami Prabhavananda
I wish I could tell you I improved in my 20s or 30s. But it wasn't until I was in my 40s, I got tired of myself. Being scared all the time was exhausting, and no way to live.
My body was telling me the jig was up in so many ways.
I had a heart ablation at 40, and in the same year, pre-cancerous polyps were removed from my large intestine. A couple of years later, I had a breast cancer scare.
Why was this happening to me?
Thankfully, when I needed it the most, I discovered yoga. I found out that my mind's fluctuations could be tamed and reduced.
Yoga is the ability to direct the mind exclusively toward an object and sustain that direction without any distractions. —T. K. V. Desikachar
Yoga taught me to listen to my body and breath first, and the mind would fall in line.
After watching my thoughts for years, I realized that they never stop, and they constantly change. I don’t need to give them weight, regardless if they’re positive or negative, because they won’t last.
Many times thoughts aren’t true. Thoughts are not Truth. By definition, Truth never changes.
My fears have diminished because I have better control of my thoughts. My thoughts flow through my voice.
The more I am aligned with who I am, the more congruent my words and actions are.
I freed my voice through my yoga practice, as well as teaching and writing about yoga. Yoga was the answer for me.
What is your answer? Are you still finding your voice?
Leave your comments below.