Blondes, Bikes, and Bidets: Scandinavia Has It All

Oh, and how I found out I have Swedish and Danish ancestors.

Photo by the hubby of us in Helsinki, Finland

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I was always unimpressed by the fact that I was German. Despite my parents' fierce pride in their homeland, I wasn't really from there and couldn't conjure much enthusiasm about it. Germans couldn't claim to rowdy Irish Pubs or delicious-smelling Italian food. My heritage was meh.

As far as I was concerned, America was where it was at.

Little did I know that my foremothers weren't who I thought they were after sending a DNA sample to Ancestry.com. Spitting in a vial was gross, but the results were “hwyl” (fun), as we say in Welch. I had no idea what was coming. I learned my ethnicity is 39% Swedish/Danish, 32% Eastern Europe & Russia, 28% Germanic Europe, and a smidge from Wales.

It's strange to think you're not what you thought you were.

When my husband decided he wanted to cross Scandinavia off his bucket list this summer, I was all in.

Scandinavia is a group of countries that includes Sweden, Finland, Greenland, Norway, Iceland, Denmark, the Aland Islands, and the Faroe Islands.

My ancestors hail from Denmark and Sweden. My parents had already dragged me to Germany three times, and I was ready to view my heritage through a different lens.

ChatGPT tailor-made a trip itinerary for us to visit the capitals of Finland, Sweden, Norway, and Denmark. We booked a flight with a layover in Reykjavik, Iceland.

Note to other travelers: Bring a warm jacket if you have a layover in Iceland. Your plane may not connect directly to the jetway into the airport, and you may spend time outside on the tarmac freezing your butt off. People, it is cold in Iceland—even in August!

Our trip started in Finland with an overnight stay. That's little time to explore the whole country, but we did get a taste of the country's capital and most populous city, Helsinki. At the height of summer, the sun sets at around 11 p.m. and rises again at 4 a.m. That’s a lotta sunshine and very little moonshine. The sun didn’t set too late while we were there, as our visit was a couple of months past the sun's peak duration; besides, it was a bit cloudy with some drizzles.

But everything dried up enough for a boat cruise and a ride on the Ferris wheel. We visited an outdoor food and craft market and tried a reindeer sausage sandwich (spoiler: it doesn’t taste like chicken).

Photo by Author: Surprise bidet inside!

I love the handheld sprayer bidet in every bathroom. That's probably not the correct name, but the sprayer is similar to the one used in a kitchen sink. Each public bathroom is a private room, unlike the stalls you can see underneath in the United States. The bathrooms are for both genders, with a common area for hand-washing. I would love to see more of these, especially with the bidets. Using toilet paper alone is for barbarians!

Photo by Author: Our view from the Viking ship leaving Helsinki.

Finland was the only country that used Euros, and we were advised to use our credit cards in the other countries. As we said Hyvästi (goodbye) to Finland, we settled into our overnight sail across the Baltic to Stockholm, Sweden. Instead of reducing our supply of Euros, my husband won our fare back in Roulette winnings, so we sailed for free. Thanks, honey! (Don’t worry, friend. Some stores in Copenhagen allowed us to use our Euros again.)

Photo by author: That polka-dotted thing next to the octopus is a tapioca crisp.

Our dinner was foamy, and I don't mean from the Baltic. My octopus appetizer was served with sun-dried tomato foam, and the rhubarb dessert boasted another complementary foam.

Yes, please, more foam! As we say in Swedish, that's some sweet lycka (luck).

We arrived in Stockholm at 10 a.m. the next morning and hit the ground running. That Sunday morning, a flea market greeted us right in front of our hotel, but raindrops had vendors scurrying to cover up their merchandise. There was a lot of used clothing for sale at this event, a recurring theme in Stockholm.

Many second-hand clothing stores dot the streets, and their presence highlights that new duds are costly. The cheapest T-shirt I found was $50. Stockholm is home to the corporate headquarters of H & M. If you've ever shopped at this retail chain, you know they are known for selling inexpensive fashion in the US. Yet, I found nothing I wanted to gift reasonably priced, and I did not bring home souvenirs in Stockholm except for one measly fountain pen.

Produce and flower stands, hair salons, barbers, and scores of bike riders are everywhere in the city.

Photo by Author: This turned into a long line of bikers at rush hour.

Hop-on Hop-off buses are our preferred mode of getting an overview of the city, especially because they give weary travelers a place to sit. We visited three museums: the Abba Museum, the Nobel Museum, and the Viking Museum.

The ancient Viking women spoke to me. They were housewives, warriors, and seers and were considered powerful in Viking-age society. That was interesting, and I want to explore it further as part of my heritage.

I'm the descendant of a Swedish Viking. WATCH YOURSELF!

We took a high-speed train (or so it was advertised) to Oslo, Norway. Yes, it took longer than expected, leaving me longing for German trains and their punctuality. Maybe on-time trains are a myth, but don't tell me if it isn’t true. I like this trait of Germans.

In Oslo, a gang of blondes attacked us.

Ok, that's not true. I was checking to see if you were still reading. But it is a fact that the people here are predominantly blonde with blue eyes, a true Scandinavian stereotype. It could be me, but Oslo was the most homogeneous culture I'd seen. Yes, there were plenty of gray heads, but blondes abounded. Again, bike riders were plentiful, and hair salons and barber shops were on every block. I googled why there are so many hair salons while writing this, and there is suspicion that these salons are used for money laundering. But then again, someone needs to keep those highlights from fading, am I right?

Oslo was easy to see in our two days there. We did get ripped off by our cab driver after the train delivered us to Central Station at 10:30 p.m., but we won't hold a grudge against the Norwegians. Timing is everything, and so is location. In retrospect, we should have used our Uber app, but we were tired and wanted to get to our hotel quickly.

We got up the next morning to enjoy a boat ride and some fiords, a Ferris wheel, and a ride in the ultra-modern glass elevator in the Munch museum. I loved seeing the Scream painting in person. Here it is in its glory.

Photo by Author: How we all feel in the U.S. during the presidential election season.

We visited the Henrik Ibsen Museum, conveniently located next door to the apartment where he had lived with his wife. Here’s his portrait, but I forgot to capture who painted it. Whoops.

Photo by Author: That hair, though.

Oslo has a plethora of charging stations for electric cars. I didn't notice many gas stations, even though oil is one of Norway's major exports.

We ate excellent Indian cuisine that evening, and I enjoyed alcohol-free Yoga Beer to wash it all down. The place was packed, and not having a reservation, we took seats at the counter that overlooked the steamy kitchen. I watched the chefs make our garlic naan- I wished I had my camera out to record it. So cool!

Photo by author: Chakra Zero is where it’s at.

We said adjø (goodbye in Norwegian) to the blonde people and returned to seafaring, boarding another overnight cruise to Copenhagen, Denmark. There was no casino on board and no way to recoup our trip fares like last time, but we did manage to eat our share of mussels, prawns, and oysters at the seafood buffet.

I enjoyed another alcohol-free beer. I have to credit the Scandinavian countries for offering multiple types of alcohol-free beer, to which I say, Jubel! (Cheers in Danish).

Photo by author: Five years alcohol-free and enjoying life!

Our final capital city, Copenhagen, was the most crowded of all. Everyone was outside by the canals, and we were lucky to be there on a sunny weekend. We did the Hop-On Hop-Off bus, and a boat tour. This boat tour was unique, calling itself "Social Sailing," with the expectation that the passengers get to know each other while learning about Copenhagen. It was a cute idea, and we did learn about our 22-year-old Danish captain and a British passenger, Allison, who would participate in a swimming race in the canal later that evening. But the other four passengers didn't speak English, so we had to make do.

By the way, English is the unifying language in all four countries. Each country has its unique language, but if you know English, you can travel well in these areas. My German also came in handy, as some words had the same origins.

I loved seeing all the fluorescent colors of graffiti art in the Museum of Modern Art and learning about how street art has developed.

Photo by Author: This graffiti artist calls herself Pink.

On the eve of our departure, we visited Tivoli Gardens, which can be thought of as either an amped-up, glamorous amusement park or a mini-Disney. Here, the swings fly higher, the Merry-go-round is a double-decker, and the live performances channel European music, theatre, and dance culture.

Photo by Author: A picturesque boat ride for the littles.

And, of course, the flowers and gardens were spectacular!

Again, bikes, scooters, electric cars, and boats were the best way around Copenhagen.

I loved Denmark's commitment to a zero-carbon footprint. What a goal, and they’re not afraid to make it. Yes, I like you, Denmark, very much.

Did you enjoy this trip through parts of Scandinavia? I was so happy to see and learn. That’s what traveling is all about.

Some of my dear postcard recipients have notified me that they received the ones I sent from Finland. Kudos to the Finnish Post Office! You’ve got Greece beat.

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