26 Comments
User's avatar
Bill Alstrom (MAtoMainetoMA)'s avatar

Ilona,

This is one of your best letters, IMHO. The construction is excellent. The message is powerful.

I don't have an interest in yoga, but I get how it can be a beautiful thing for mind and body.

I could relate to a couple things you said. I never had to eat burnt toast. But my WWII vet parents had us sit at the dinner table each night. Same time every day. We didn't leave until everything was consumed (no problem for me!). By today's standards, that sounds hokey and maybe harsh.

But I really enjoyed listening to Dad's work stories about fellow workers. A favorite guy was from India and how the cultures contrasted was the source of humor and provoking thoughts. Mom would relate the latest chapter in the book she was reading. We had an "audio book" while we ate our veggies! They never talked about the war. Dad was part of the liberation of Italy. They met in the hospital - he the wounded lieutenant, she the nurse (captain:). In those days, the vets didn't share much when they got home.

The best part? Mom and Dad listened to my sister and I. We ranted our naive opinions and they showed us respect. This was more than a dinner. It was a family meeting. Every night.

And I can relate on the personal relationship level. I married way too young. We grew apart. I had a series of partners after that. The last being a wife who was terrified of true intimacy (like talking) and I later discovered, didn't value loyalty.

It wasn't until I was 50 that I realized that there was someone who was a friend who might become more than that. I WAS wildly attracted to her physically. But the more we talked, the more I realized I loved her brain and her heart. We joined forces, opened a couple of successful small businesses. Her huge family embraced me despite my very "checkered past". Statistically I was a very high risk. But they just hugged me.

Lucky, I am. For many reasons.

Also, upon reflection, if I burn the toast, I cut away the worst part and slather the rest with butter. Maybe being raised by parents who grew up in the Depression had subtle influences. We both hate waste. Leftovers are never tossed.

Expand full comment
Ilona Goanos's avatar

I still try to squeeze the last drop out of a dishwashing liquid bottle and cut open hand cream tubes to get out the last drop. Not wasting things was a good lesson, although sometimes too extreme. When my parents were sick, I made them meals which they kept in their fridge for weeks because they hadn't finished eating what I made. I tried to convince them it was no longer good to eat old meatloaf, but they wouldn't hear of throwing it away.

I'm so happy to meet another soul with a checkered past (whatever that means, lol). Cheers to you living your best life! Life is funny-this morning I really did burn the toast.

Expand full comment
Deborah Thompson's avatar

Ilona, oh my goodness, we must be soul sisters. I do the same with my dishwashing soap and hand cream tubes!!! Makeup tubes the same…. When I can’t get any more of the makeup out, I cut the tube in half and scrape the insides, lolol…… Yet one more thing we share :) Can’t remember if I commented about how much love this story, so I’ll tell you again, just in case. You’re brilliant. :)

Expand full comment
Ilona Goanos's avatar

Aw, thanks, Deborah. I appreciate you as well!

Expand full comment
Deborah Thompson's avatar

Hello Bill :) I follow and read every single thing Ilona writes; I think she is both an incredible writer and amazing person. I’m so happy I met her here on Substack. I love your note above and can also identify with everything you said. I’m Canadian and my dad was in the RAF in Europe during the war. He never spoke of the war. Ever. My mom never wasted a single thing either….. anyways, I have been on Substack since January and I’d be thrilled if you’d come by to check out my work when you have some time. If you like my work I’d be honoured if you’d Subscribe :) So nice to meet you here.

Expand full comment
Marlo Leaman's avatar

You are always moving - there is no status-quo. Even treading water involves moving. I loved that!!! Exactly right. And have you heard there is no CHANGE without CHALLENGE? (Remove LLE!) so Dream! My forever dream was that I’d be on Broadway. I love to sing, love musicals. Didn’t happen, but for the last few years I’ve been taking dance/jazz/ballet classes and when I dance, I see myself as if I was a Broadway dancer. I’ve learned a lot and it makes me laugh every week. It brings me joy!

Expand full comment
Ilona Goanos's avatar

I love that you're dancing :) That is so cool, and I think I may add that to my list....

Expand full comment
Marlo Leaman's avatar

Super fun! It’s like my ‘wordle’ - good for the brain and good for the body!

Expand full comment
Linda Hoenigsberg's avatar

My in-laws (now passed) used to bring leftovers from a half a year before on dry ice to the second home they lived in for half the year. Some of the food was inedible, but they'd drag it two states away anyway. I particularly remember a tomato aspic (ugh). They were by most standards, wealthy, but my father-in-law had fought in WWII while my mother-in-law scrimped by back home.

Expand full comment
Ilona Goanos's avatar

Thriftiness is in your bones once you have to do it. My friend told me her mother used to reuse aluminum foil that had been used to wrap her school lunches. When I went to clean out my parent's house after my dad died and my mom went into nursing care, I found canned goods that were way past their expiration date in their basement. I knew they would have definitely eaten that expired food if fate hadn't prevented them.

Expand full comment
Linda Hoenigsberg's avatar

Yes...and my husband, who was raised by them is clearly more thrifty than I am. LOL

Expand full comment
Ilona Goanos's avatar

You're a Cali girl. You are your own brand!

Expand full comment
Beth Mayfield's avatar

Ilona I watch your hubby on Boomer tonight and he's a hoot🧢🎩🤠

Expand full comment
Ilona Goanos's avatar

Oh my...what did he say. I hope he wasn't too naughty. LOL! I better go listen. Thanks for subscribing.

Expand full comment
Beth Mayfield's avatar

He did great…you are awesome!

Expand full comment
Maureen C. Morin's avatar

I just caught up and I love the way you write. You are so expressive and clear. Thank you for sharing your story. BTW, after grieving for the last year and a half, I decided to take up yoga for my mind, body, and soul. Best decision I have made. I am hooked!

Expand full comment
Ilona Goanos's avatar

I'm glad to hear that you enjoy yoga, too. Thanks for taking the time to read all that, and for your kind words 🤍

Expand full comment
Alexander Lovell, PhD's avatar

"Dreaming is the essence of our humanity, the foundation of all hope, and a prerequisite for a positive outlook." This line struck me profoundly. It's easy to dismiss dreams as frivolous, especially when life gets tough. But what you're saying is that they're not just wishes; they're vital to our very existence. Without dreams, we stagnate. We become like a still pond, rather than a flowing river. It's almost as if dreaming is an act of rebellion against the mundane, a declaration that we are more than just our circumstances. It's a powerful reminder that hope isn't just a feeling; it's an action, a choice we make to envision something better.

Expand full comment
Ilona Goanos's avatar

You have such a way with words, Dr. A! Thank you for taking the time to expand my vision so profoundly.

Expand full comment
Sue Ferrera's avatar

I love this post, Ilona. Dreaming has been an integral part of my life. The word dream, for me, is interchangeable with manifest. I purchased a necklace about 20 years ago with the Chinese inscription of Dream on it, and I wear it most days. Next to my wedding ring, which bears the same inscription, it is my favorite piece of jewelry. I'll share a photo of it on Notes. Thanks for this post, Ilona. 💕

Expand full comment
Ilona Goanos's avatar

I love that you embraced dreaming earlier in your life than I did. I think it has made all the difference! Many thanks for sharing, Sue.

Expand full comment
Holly Starley's avatar

Yay for new dreams, deeper access to our voices, and evolution of self in all its wondrous sundry forms! ♥️

Expand full comment
Ilona Goanos's avatar

Absolutely! All the things. Thank you, Holly.

Expand full comment
Paulette Bodeman's avatar

I love this, Ilona. In the words of LL Cool J, "Dreams don't have deadlines."

Expand full comment
Ilona Goanos's avatar

Let's keep dreaming, girl!

Expand full comment
Paulette Bodeman's avatar

Yes, it's another form of resistance.

Expand full comment