Can We Treat Everyone With Dignity During Election Season?

After all, there is no they, it's just us.

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I once had a master teacher who advised her yoga instructors to treat their students with unconditional positive regard. When I first heard this phrase, I thought, "Wow, what a gift to receive from someone!" When they think the best of me, I also think the best of myself. It’s funny how that works.

This mindset fosters non-judgment, patience, and empathy. I don't struggle with this concept when teaching yoga because I love what I do and my students. My unconditional positive regard isn't poked, prodded, or tested much since our interactions are limited to about an hour.

Being married and creating families is a training ground for unconditional positive regard. Here, we start with the advantages of love and commitment—or at least, that's the ideal. Things should be easy.

When you remove love and commitment, the landscape is much different.

Sharp edges surface. Unconditional positive regard becomes much more complicated to implement when the car in front of you crawls at 25 mph in a 55 mph lane.

Why are they driving so slowly?

Don't they know they could cause an accident?

But there is no “they,” it’s just us. In those moments, I swallow my frustration, reminding myself that I, too, make driving errors or have bad days.

As I mentioned in last week's newsletter, I live sandwiched between two Trump supporters. My husband and I have lived here for four years, and our interactions with our neighbors are limited to friendly hellos.

As long as we avoid discussing politics, we're good.

We've adopted the same rule of not broaching politics within our family. There's no point in engaging because our points of view come from two wildly different sets of "facts," which unfortunately don't intersect. Why are there different sets of facts? Aren't facts...facts?

I want our family to stay intact no matter what happens or who wins the election, so I leave it alone.

Somehow, somewhere along the way, the media shifted from reporting cold, hard truths to catering to audiences with curated narratives. Outrage sells. Peace, harmony, and goodwill are boring. Unconditional positive regard can't be disregarded because we don't like Fox News or Newsmax.

But what if everything someone believes is wrong and that it can be proven wrong? That, my friend, is a "you" problem. If someone believes in a set of lies, you can talk about the truth, but you won't change their minds. We have to agree to disagree. There is no other choice.

A mindset of unconditional positive regard is a Herculean effort when political rhetoric, like the hate directed at Haitian immigrants, is causing massive problems in Springfield, Ohio. J. D. Vance admits he creates stories to keep the electorate engaged with the immigration crisis. With that statement, how can anyone hold Mr. Vance in any regard but contempt?

I'm in real trouble with the mindset outside of yoga class. I love yoga philosophy because it acknowledges life's extreme dualities and considers the possibility of coexisting with them and still being okay.

But I'm not okay.

The advice du jour is to turn off the TV and social media if it gets too much. But for me, ignoring what's happening in our country feels like a betrayal. For decades, I was too busy to pay attention, neglecting my duties as a citizen and allowing my civic duties to slide.

Democracy, after all, is a fragile living thing.

When practicing unconditional positive regard, I remind myself that many people, even those whose actions or words I disagree with, are not intentionally trying to cause harm, even if that's how it appears. Negative behavior is often rooted in fear, such as what will happen if one loses one's livelihood, health, and safety.

I try to temper my anger at those who love their guns more than they love the children they want to be born. How much fear must someone possess who holds onto their firearms at all cost, even if it means another school shooting awaits?

I can barely hold onto unconditional positive regard at this moment.

Three wise teachers, Brene Brown, Tara Brach, and Elizabeth Lesser, use the term "soft front, strong back" to support the idea that we must be fierce and gentle. Having a strong back means being brave while not accepting harm to others and allowing lies to float as truth.

A soft front means staying tender, open, and vulnerable in the face of whatever discomfort arises, even fear, anger, and hatred. Only soft things can be molded and shaped, allowing change.

Soft front, strong back: another opposite to sit with.

We're complex beings, a compilation of everything good or bad that's ever happened to us. Understanding this reminds us we haven't walked in another's shoes and understood the pebbles they've had to deal with. We all want the same things: to be loved, understood, and accepted.

When confronted with a term like "illegals," I ask questions to uncover the root of fear. Without a goal of changing anyone, I hope I can understand them better, and they might realize that their behaviors aren't as helpful as they believe.

Change comes from self-awareness.

Sometimes, I can only be a compassionate witness—to others and myself. Whether or not I can "fix" the situation, offering empathy and understanding may be enough.

When I feel overwhelmed, I remember to offer unconditional positive regard to others as well as myself, which is the hardest task of all.

If I'm drained today, tomorrow is another opportunity to improve. There's always hope for change, even if I don't have the answers.

Yesterday, something happened that made me feel better. I received a newsletter from

The Traveling Sketchbook

with "Artivism" as the subject line. Daisy described how she wrote to undecided voters and added some artistic personalized touches to the letters. Her idea was the seed for me to do something active and unique to feel less like a failure of my haphazard application of unconditional positive regard.

I decided to host a Girl’s Night Out, where we would write the same letters as Daisy but with snacks and a social hour. I’m looking forward to the boost of energy that getting together with other women gives me.

Here is the link to Daisy’s newsletter and to Votefwd.org an organization that sends the names and addresses for the letters so that you can do it, too.

What are you doing for self-care during the election season? Write your thoughts in the comments.