Carol, first thank you for subscribing, but more importantly for reading. I’ve learned through my writing and sharing that telling my story might strike the right chord for others, even if it’s one person at a time. I’m looking forward to having some thoughtful exchanges with you.
That we can be so different - I'm your age, but with no abuse or similar trauma in my life - and your writing still strike a chord with me is one of the best things about writing and sharing from the heart.
Ilona! I'm so sorry about your accident and hope. that you are getting healing! Thanks for this article from Keith. As you know, I went through my own decade of going to therapy that was more harmful than helpful. Part of this was due to my own naivety and ignorance of what therapy was and what it was supposed to accomplish. Some of it was also due to going to therapy via masters level students internship programs due to finances, and they were just learning themselves. Another reason was that I went to counselors working in church settings because my church was telling me all other therapists were harmful. It was all so confusing at the time...but I made it out. I have a therapist today, and she sounds a lot like Keith's. After becoming a therapist myself, I know what to look for. This therapist is extremely knowledgeable about complex trauma. It's so important not to waste too much time ignoring signals and not trusting your gut if you are seeing someone who is not a good fit.
Linda, your story adds so much to this conversation — the financial constraints, the church-directed counseling, the layers of confusion that make finding good help so much harder than it should be. And now you're on the other side of it, as a therapist yourself, helping others find what took you so long to find. That's a full circle worth celebrating. So glad you made it out.
Linda, I’m so glad to hear how your journey has played out. As Ilona pointed out, you’ve identified many of the obstacles to finding good help. People don’t realize that a search for the right therapist is often less quantifiable than looking for a brain surgeon and I say that with all sincerity. You having experienced many of the pitfalls on your journey has undoubtedly proved invaluable to your clients. They are fortunate, I’m sure, to have your help born of your own experiences. Thanks for reading and sharing this!
Hi Ilona - I am so sorry to read you were in an accident. Keeping you in my heart and thoughts, Hope you are as comfy as possible and can soon make a full recovery. Hugs to you!
Thank you Leah, I am on the mend. And yes — Keith's willingness to go there, fully and honestly, is something rare. I'm grateful he trusted us with it.
Leah, you and Ilona both touched on the biggie—trust and the willingness to trust. It was Kim, my therapist, who encouraged me to write and share and it’s been very instrumental in my healing. I trust my Substack community explicitly and am extremely grateful for found friends like Ilona who offer such wonderful support and encouragement. I also love reading Ilona’s Substack, it’s a very honest, grounded take on life that she graciously shares with all of us.
Keith Bumgarner's sharing is vital and I appreciate what he shared about finding the right therapist. I'm glad he found Kim Asher and that she's been instrumental to helping him heal. I also had not heard Gisèle Pelicot's quote, “Shame must change sides" until reading this post. That quote is solid gold. Heal well and fast, Ilona.
I’ve followed the Pelicot case and also love her quote. I think it’s quite applicable as a wish for our circumstances here in the US now. Thank you for subscribing, Veronica.
Thank you for your candor and thoughtful guidance. I'm writing about trauma and therapy now and will bookmark this.
You make so many important points, especially about finding the right therapist. One time, I walked out on a therapist after about 60 seconds.
The best therapist I ever had here in Los Angeles is French and it was really amazing to work with her in French. My whole personality changes to Parisian when I'm speaking French.
She did more for me than any other therapist. She is Jungian vs Freudian, or vice versa, not sure which, just listens as opposed to giving verbal feedback. She gave me really specific advice and it helped me in my career so much.
I’ve written about trauma and therapy in many pieces on Substack, Lorraine, and I find that writing about what happened to me and discussing therapeutic solutions and aids has helped me immensely. My therapist pushed me to write a few years ago and it’s proven to be wonderful advice. Thanks for reading. Oh, and I love the French reference. I speak Russian, but I seriously doubt, in these times, a ‘Russification’ of my personality would help.😁
Will finish reading soon, but first just so say I hope you are fully recovered and so sorry to hear about the car accident! The roads are scary these days.
First of all, good to know you are safe after the accident, Ilona. I was going to message you to find out how you’re going when your post came in my feed.
Second, thanks for introducing me to Keith. What a story and what a man. His writing is so powerful which made me realise what I have been missing in many of the AI generated post I have receiving in my feed. I will certainly read his other articles. Thanks for showing up. These online friendships are funny. You feel as close friend as physical friends but can’t even reach them other than social media platforms.
Neera, your note made me smile. You're right about online friendships — there's something both strange and genuinely real about them. I feel that closeness too. And yes, Keith is the real thing — his writing comes from a place no AI could ever reach. Thank you for seeing him so clearly.
Thank you both for the kind remarks, the encouragement from our Substack community is a source of healing itself. And I agree wholeheartedly about our online friendships. In many ways, I think I know my friends here in this context better than my ‘in person’ friends, because here it’s our thoughts, feelings and meaningful experiences we share. I believe I know people better as a result of this kind of communication I sadly don’t often have with my in-person friends. Special thanks Ilona for an opportunity to share my journey with your readers.
I sit in awe before Keith, his persistence and courage, his grace in healing.
Carol, your words are a gift. I'll make sure Keith sees this. He deserves to know his story is landing exactly the way he hoped it would.
Thank you, Ilona. I'll subscribe also.
Carol, first thank you for subscribing, but more importantly for reading. I’ve learned through my writing and sharing that telling my story might strike the right chord for others, even if it’s one person at a time. I’m looking forward to having some thoughtful exchanges with you.
That we can be so different - I'm your age, but with no abuse or similar trauma in my life - and your writing still strike a chord with me is one of the best things about writing and sharing from the heart.
Ilona! I'm so sorry about your accident and hope. that you are getting healing! Thanks for this article from Keith. As you know, I went through my own decade of going to therapy that was more harmful than helpful. Part of this was due to my own naivety and ignorance of what therapy was and what it was supposed to accomplish. Some of it was also due to going to therapy via masters level students internship programs due to finances, and they were just learning themselves. Another reason was that I went to counselors working in church settings because my church was telling me all other therapists were harmful. It was all so confusing at the time...but I made it out. I have a therapist today, and she sounds a lot like Keith's. After becoming a therapist myself, I know what to look for. This therapist is extremely knowledgeable about complex trauma. It's so important not to waste too much time ignoring signals and not trusting your gut if you are seeing someone who is not a good fit.
Linda, your story adds so much to this conversation — the financial constraints, the church-directed counseling, the layers of confusion that make finding good help so much harder than it should be. And now you're on the other side of it, as a therapist yourself, helping others find what took you so long to find. That's a full circle worth celebrating. So glad you made it out.
Thanks, Ilona. 🥰
Linda, I’m so glad to hear how your journey has played out. As Ilona pointed out, you’ve identified many of the obstacles to finding good help. People don’t realize that a search for the right therapist is often less quantifiable than looking for a brain surgeon and I say that with all sincerity. You having experienced many of the pitfalls on your journey has undoubtedly proved invaluable to your clients. They are fortunate, I’m sure, to have your help born of your own experiences. Thanks for reading and sharing this!
Hi Ilona - I am so sorry to read you were in an accident. Keeping you in my heart and thoughts, Hope you are as comfy as possible and can soon make a full recovery. Hugs to you!
Thank you, Brenda! I appreciate your concern and positive vibes. I am doing much better this week.
Sending thoughts of healing your way. Keith, gratitude for your willingness to share your wisdom and courage in such difficult circumstances.
Thank you Leah, I am on the mend. And yes — Keith's willingness to go there, fully and honestly, is something rare. I'm grateful he trusted us with it.
Leah, you and Ilona both touched on the biggie—trust and the willingness to trust. It was Kim, my therapist, who encouraged me to write and share and it’s been very instrumental in my healing. I trust my Substack community explicitly and am extremely grateful for found friends like Ilona who offer such wonderful support and encouragement. I also love reading Ilona’s Substack, it’s a very honest, grounded take on life that she graciously shares with all of us.
So sorry to read you were in accident. Hope you are recovering well. Sending you a big hug.
Keith Bumgarner's sharing is vital and I appreciate what he shared about finding the right therapist. I'm glad he found Kim Asher and that she's been instrumental to helping him heal. I also had not heard Gisèle Pelicot's quote, “Shame must change sides" until reading this post. That quote is solid gold. Heal well and fast, Ilona.
I’ve followed the Pelicot case and also love her quote. I think it’s quite applicable as a wish for our circumstances here in the US now. Thank you for subscribing, Veronica.
Lolo! How scary. Sending healing prayers.
Thank you for your candor and thoughtful guidance. I'm writing about trauma and therapy now and will bookmark this.
You make so many important points, especially about finding the right therapist. One time, I walked out on a therapist after about 60 seconds.
The best therapist I ever had here in Los Angeles is French and it was really amazing to work with her in French. My whole personality changes to Parisian when I'm speaking French.
She did more for me than any other therapist. She is Jungian vs Freudian, or vice versa, not sure which, just listens as opposed to giving verbal feedback. She gave me really specific advice and it helped me in my career so much.
Anyway, great piece, thank you!
Ooh la la, Lolo! J'adore le fait que tu te sentes mieux quand tu parles français à ton thérapeute. L'ambiance française est vraiment géniale !
I’ve written about trauma and therapy in many pieces on Substack, Lorraine, and I find that writing about what happened to me and discussing therapeutic solutions and aids has helped me immensely. My therapist pushed me to write a few years ago and it’s proven to be wonderful advice. Thanks for reading. Oh, and I love the French reference. I speak Russian, but I seriously doubt, in these times, a ‘Russification’ of my personality would help.😁
Will finish reading soon, but first just so say I hope you are fully recovered and so sorry to hear about the car accident! The roads are scary these days.
Thanks for your note, Lisa! I'm feeling much better and looking forward to seeing you soon ❤️
First of all, good to know you are safe after the accident, Ilona. I was going to message you to find out how you’re going when your post came in my feed.
Second, thanks for introducing me to Keith. What a story and what a man. His writing is so powerful which made me realise what I have been missing in many of the AI generated post I have receiving in my feed. I will certainly read his other articles. Thanks for showing up. These online friendships are funny. You feel as close friend as physical friends but can’t even reach them other than social media platforms.
Neera, your note made me smile. You're right about online friendships — there's something both strange and genuinely real about them. I feel that closeness too. And yes, Keith is the real thing — his writing comes from a place no AI could ever reach. Thank you for seeing him so clearly.
Thank you both for the kind remarks, the encouragement from our Substack community is a source of healing itself. And I agree wholeheartedly about our online friendships. In many ways, I think I know my friends here in this context better than my ‘in person’ friends, because here it’s our thoughts, feelings and meaningful experiences we share. I believe I know people better as a result of this kind of communication I sadly don’t often have with my in-person friends. Special thanks Ilona for an opportunity to share my journey with your readers.
I'm sorry about your accident. 🪻
https://substack.com/@thehumancartographer/note/p-191488323?r=7vcs6a