First, Do No Harm: Finding Peace When Others Choose Chaos
A person lacking in compassion and empathy concerning the suffering of others, indicates their own unhealthiness. Swamini Shraddhananda Saraswati
I've been having a war with yoga.
I've been a teacher since 2016 and immersed myself in the spiritual practice for years before that. However, my internal struggle mirrors a more significant pattern of confronting institutional betrayal while struggling to preserve the core truths that drew me to spiritual practice in the first place.
Gah. Why is everything so hard?
I teach very little now because I only go where the yoga feels authentic. After three studios stiffed me for my classes, I decided I wouldn't return to public teaching unless the owners were ethical and treated their teachers according to the principles of yoga. This decision might sound like simple business sense, but it cuts deeper than that.
In yoga, we have a principle called asteya (non-stealing).
When studio owners fail to adequately compensate their teachers, who spend hours preparing and delivering classes to nourish their communities, they commit not just a business transgression but also violate a core spiritual principle.
Yoga studios are supposed to be better than that.
My disillusionment with Western yoga is familiar because it runs parallel to my experience with the Catholic Church. Before the blindfold fell, I was deeply immersed in the parish community and willingly gave it my time and money. I trusted it to take care of me and my family until the news broke that several local priests were exposed in the media for molesting children. The DA filed charges against priests I knew and that my children knew.
That was a bridge too far for me.
Similarly, the yoga world has seen its share of fallen leaders - including Bikram Choudhury, Yogi Bhajan, Greg Gomucio, John Friend, and Guru Jagat, who were yoga leaders drunk on power and greed and abused their followers' trust. No matter how pure its principles, any spiritual institution can be corrupted by those who wear its mantle while betraying its essence.
But yoga wasn't done disappointing me.
While yoga and capitalism contaminated its core teachings, far-right yoga teachers who are anti-vax, anti-science, anti-immigrants, and pro-Trump exacerbated the rift. I felt sorrow and horror as my beloved yoga community morphed into something unrecognizable.
I navigate the yoga world now cautiously, feeling the rug might yet be pulled out from under me again.
But here's the thing about spiritual truth - it exists independently of those who claim to represent it.
Or at least it should.
When a friend invited me to see Swamini Shraddhananda Saraswati at a local yoga studio on Saturday, I was excited to reconnect with what I believed yoga to be. Listening to Swamini's words and singing kirtan made my heart glad, and I saw a glimmer of what attracted me to yoga in the first place. The Satsang (an audience with a satguru for spiritual or yogic instruction) was also something I needed after the first devastating week of Our National Nightmare (ONN) Part 2.
Swamini didn’t mention ONN but instead focused on one principle out of the ten yogic tenets for living known as the yamas and niyamas:
"Ahimsa" is a Sanskrit word for non-injury.
In these overwhelming times, taking one bite at a time and paying attention to only one clear principle to guide us through the chaos is wise.
Ahimsa isn't just about avoiding physical harm but preventing injury through thoughts, words, or actions. As a practical example, many yogis are vegetarian to avoid hurting animals, but the principle extends far beyond dietary choices.
Ahimsa is an inside job.
Practicing ahimsa is challenging, especially if you're like me and hard on yourself. I've said terrible things to myself about myself, which violates ahimsa. I’ve also thought terrible thoughts about others, even as I strive to view them in a positive light. I can't help but judge people by their words and actions.
Managing these thoughts not to become a terminal indictment is a bitch.
The greatest challenge to ahimsa, for me anyway, comes from our current political climate. Every day, while ONN golfs, his staff implements an agenda to halt funding for vital programs that millions rely on.
Witnessing harm inflicted on vulnerable populations - immigrants, the elderly, children, veterans, and people with life-threatening illnesses - hurts my heart in a very real way. There are many in my sphere of influence who voted for, wholeheartedly support, and even feel glee at the atrocities that ONN is enacting.
How do you live ahimsa amidst those who relish the pain inflicted on others? How do you maintain compassion for those who seem to have none?
On cue, and as what seems to be a follow-up to her weekend talk, Swamini offered this Instagram nugget:
"When a person lacks compassion and empathy concerning the suffering of others, it indicates their own unhealthiness-mind, body, and spirit.
Cultivating deep, honest compassion- not pity or the hyper-reactor fixer mentality – is a necessity when it comes to not only the health and well-being of others but our very own health and well-being as well.
Practice compassion, no matter what anybody has to say about it. Otherwise, life will be overflowing with guilt, anger, and sorrow. The kind of which is difficult to overcome, and the consequences of which rob you of your ability to experience your own aliveness."
A person who lacks compassion and empathy is unhealthy? Yes, 100%.
I want to experience aliveness. For me, that means experiencing joy, peace, and everything in between.
I've found my own way to self-compassion through rigorous self-care: proper eating and sleeping, making time for massage, meditation, movement, singing, chanting, writing, and grandbabies. I've learned to limit my time on social media, staying off Facebook entirely because I want to wean myself from supporting an ONN-enabling billionaire. These aren't just self-indulgent practices --they're vital tools for practicing compassion in challenging times.
Remember, no one can steal your joy and peace unless you allow it. Yoga cultivates this internal sanctuary, but it's up to each of us to maintain it.
Rev. Mariann Budde provides a shining example of compassion-in-action by her recent schooling of ONN on its meaning, all the while shining as a beacon of serenity and joy.
To those reading this who feel overwhelmed by the current state of affairs, you are not alone. You are on the right side of history, even as our country has gone completely mad.
Love will win, but outside forces will test it.
Compassion for yourself as you navigate these challenging times is not only permitted but essential. Your feelings of anger and grief in the face of injustice are valid. Remember that you have a community here on Substack that stands with you, understands the challenge of maintaining compassion while witnessing harm, and shares your commitment to creating a more just and caring world.
Ultimately, this is what ahimsa truly means—not the absence of conflict but the presence of compassion, especially when it feels impossible.
What are you doing this week for self-care? What are you doing to stand up against ONN?
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Support Bishop Budde by sending a note of encouragement and support to:
Episcopal Church House – Diocese of Washington
The Rt. Rev. Mariann Budde
3101 Wisconsin Avenue, NW
Washington, DC 20016
Ilona Goanos: Whew!
This is beautiful and phenomenal.
Your and my inner spirituality are closely related, including Ahimsa, including the disillusionment, including the self-criticism, including the focus on wholeness and spirituality especially in times of tyranny.
My source of spiritual strength is different, in that I love to read Polybius, Sallust, and Tacitus, and through these historians, one learns how under tyrants one spiritually thrives.
It is especially haunting to read Tacitus and see the human nature of powerful Senators in the face of a Tyrant were in ancient times as fearful and sycophantic as today, and how Senator Tacitus under the cruel Domitian had outwardly to comply but behind the scenes take care of widows and children of great Stoics put to death by Domitian.
We need not wonder today at the disappointing performance of Senators who know better.
It all plays out in the Annals of Tacitus.
Your writing is so beautiful and expressive of high intellect, a love for beauty and the human person, and integrity.
The photo shows a strong, spiritual person, whom I love to call a friend and whom I admire for her core values and integrity.
Compassion! Like you, as a yoga practitioner and (former) Catholic, the 'rules' suggested are sometimes hard to digest. I like the Yamas and niyamas because they shed a positive spin on living your life. Not easy of course, as we are all human. But like yoga, living life is a practice and how you move with intention and compassion. Didn't Jesus teach compassion and empathy? Caring for others and ourselves-that's how I try to live my life, with compassion and empathy.
We can share a smile, thought, action with others even as a simple, "I'm with you.". As I leave for my shift at the food pantry today, I am afraid to see who doesn't show up today as ICE is here in Chicago doing the deportation work imposed by ONN. It sucks, and I for one think that's not how Jesus, Buddha or anyone with a heart or conscience would act. Ahimsa.