Enjoyed this reflection on your complex relationship to cooking. It made me think of my mother, as well as my own relationship to cooking. My Mom prepared every family meal, for decades: breakfast, lunch sandwiches, and dinner. My Dad almost didn't cook, and it wasn't until their 50s that he started doing most of the cleanup. One big difference, though, was that he always appreciated my Mom's efforts and took interest in her experiments--and meal time was most often a good-feeling family time.
I love to cook, and especially cooking for others. But whenever I feel it's my "job"--like when I'm with people who assume I'll do the cooking--my joy of cooking gets infused with resentment. Even when others offer to help I find myself thinking: I don't want "help" --I want you to take responsibility for a meal! So yeah, "my turn to be waited on" -- exactly.
Yes, you touched on something important. The responsibility for the meal is a much different animal than simply helping. When that doesn't materialize, a sous chef or dishwasher is appreciated.
You reminded me that my father also did take on a bigger role once he retired. He was always at the sink scrubbing the pots, or cleaning the shrimp. My husband started working as a kid in his father's many Greek diners so he's good at that stuff!
I "like" to cook but don't "love" to cook. I went through the whole sourdough bread routine during lockdown. I bought "all the things." I actually ended up HATING to make it. Its messy and hard to clean up...and there's so many steps that each and every time I had to re-read the recipe. I don't like to use oil paints either (because of the mess and clean up). Truth...I think I'm lazy. Give me a casserole (from Costco) any day.
I did the sourdough thing, too. That's way harder than it looks and the dough is very sticky. I made some subpar bread. I hated it to because you have to tend to it every so often, and I couldn't remember when I was supposed to do what. Yes, rereading that recipe constantly!!!
My experience exactly! I did learn something new though, and that is to no try to wash the bowls, etc. out with hot water as that makes the flour pretty much stay glued to the bowl. Cold water is key, and that helps me even if I never make another subpar loaf. LOL
Love the "each and every time I had to re-read the recipe." A friend gave me starter, and because I didn't want the poor starter to "die," I told myself, I made bread every three days. I was actually addicted to it with lots of butter. I still feed my starter, but I'm done making and eating bread and butter for now! And yes, despite how often I made it, I had to read the complicated instructions every time!
Like the others who commented, I have never enjoyed cooking but it was a necessity. My husband loves to eat and will eat anyting I cook - I’m not so fond of his cooking . It’s too heavy. I do love going out to eat and takeout is fine but the sodium content is too high.
We joined a CSA last year which has been great - lots of fresh produce so we just add some chicken or some sort of protein. I use my crockpot a lot during the winter but not so much during the summer. I’ve often thought about taking a cooking class to just help with simple techniques and ideas of what to cook. My mother-in-law always said there are people who live to eat and people who eat to live. I just eat to live - except for chocolate.
Thanks, Carol! I'm with you about the sodium. I did the change from live to eat to eat to live as I got older. I can't eat as much as I used to, and sometimes order an appetizer as my main meal.
I cooked a dinner from scratch every night since my early 20's but a couple of years ago my husband started cooking more and now I've taken a huge step back , now only cooking about 3 times a week and not so fancy dishes. It's such a relief, like you it started to feel like a burden rather than a pleasure which is a shame as I always used to say I really enjoyed cooking. I think I have found things I like doing more now though and like to save the cooking for special occasions. I'm looking forward to receiving my postcard! Thank you for the mention, Ilona. x
I don't enjoy cooking, and now that hubby travels more for work, I get more nights off! I have a few standbys - quesadillas, rice & beans, or a big salad. And I'll do crockpot meals that feed us for 3 nights. I'm not sure how my mom managed to cook for a family of 7 every night, AND pack our lunches. There were too many of us to be picky eaters... if we didn't like it, we either had to eat it or we went hungry.
I need to do more crock-pottery. It's so easy to put things in there in the AM, and it's ready by the evening. Yes, it was the same at my house. I didn't dare not eat what my mother cooked.
OMG this sooo resonated with me! I actually like cooking, trying new recipes, etc, but I agree with your statement when cooking for a family of 4 every day-IT'S EXHAUSING!! Spending 5 years at the hotel we owned and having someone cook for me-every day was quite the luxury, and the chefs looked at me funny when I wanted to pop in the kitchen to make a simple grilled cheese or something! Now that we are back to the 'normal' life, just now 2 of us, I'm happy to again cook, shop and plan. (Not always but enough!).
It was unbelievable! I was for sure spoiled!! I learned a few tips and tricks but still cannot make 4 course meals for 20 people very well like they can!
I so appreciate your humor in this reflection, and it's so relatable. I'm curious about the type of compost bins you're using. Can you post the link, please. When you're not packing and getting ready for your fabulous trip. Enjoy.
I love to cook and so does my partner. She LOVES that I LOVE her cooking, and for her it's literally a meditative practice. She generates a vibe that is palpable every time she cooks; she'll play music and/or listen to podcasts in Spanish, German, or English(yeah, she's one of THOSE folks!😂)and consistently conjur something fabulous(without it being super-complicated, and usually vegan). I will happily clean up. When I do cook, I enjoy doing it and she likes what I make, too( spent many years working in restaurants).
This relationship started in my early 50's and I had never had a happy relationship before this one, much less one with a woman who could cook. Her cooking is an expression of her love. After spending most of my adult life either alone or in a few scattered, pretty fucked up relationships, I have definitely hit the jackpot! This December will be our 12th anniversary.
I empathize with your cooking burn-out and am glad that you can spend more of your time doing things you truly enjoy!
And, yes, I want a postcard! I will email you my address. Thank you!
First, I am so happy for you that you are with a partner who loves you and cooks for you! It is a rare thing to find *that* person. I appreciate that you clean up because I think that's the part where I go over the cliff of tiredness. I used to get in that meditative state cooking, but could only achieve it with wine. I don't drink anymore, and have not found that vibe again. Received your email and you're on my list for a postcard. Thanks for writing and allowing us a glimpse of the beautiful life you have created for yourself.
PS(Got your email with your address. You're on the list!!!)
I wonder if lots of us share your ambivalence about cooking. My mom didn't like to cook, so "we girls" all three close to being in elementary school, read "Let's Eat Right to Keep Fit," or something like that, and had free rein in the kitchen. Our family ate nicely set sit down dinners every night, Dad in the "Captain's Chair" and each of us in set places. Each of us was expected to say something intelligent or funny about our day. I got into major "gourmet" cooking when my boyfriend and I had a job as editors of a gourmet magazine and got to eat anonymously in Seattle restaurants and then sit up all night writing about it. Now? My husband and I co-cook a midday meal from scratch. It's our dance in the kitchen.
Enjoyed this reflection on your complex relationship to cooking. It made me think of my mother, as well as my own relationship to cooking. My Mom prepared every family meal, for decades: breakfast, lunch sandwiches, and dinner. My Dad almost didn't cook, and it wasn't until their 50s that he started doing most of the cleanup. One big difference, though, was that he always appreciated my Mom's efforts and took interest in her experiments--and meal time was most often a good-feeling family time.
I love to cook, and especially cooking for others. But whenever I feel it's my "job"--like when I'm with people who assume I'll do the cooking--my joy of cooking gets infused with resentment. Even when others offer to help I find myself thinking: I don't want "help" --I want you to take responsibility for a meal! So yeah, "my turn to be waited on" -- exactly.
Yes, you touched on something important. The responsibility for the meal is a much different animal than simply helping. When that doesn't materialize, a sous chef or dishwasher is appreciated.
You reminded me that my father also did take on a bigger role once he retired. He was always at the sink scrubbing the pots, or cleaning the shrimp. My husband started working as a kid in his father's many Greek diners so he's good at that stuff!
PS( I bet you make a beautiful dinner. )
I "like" to cook but don't "love" to cook. I went through the whole sourdough bread routine during lockdown. I bought "all the things." I actually ended up HATING to make it. Its messy and hard to clean up...and there's so many steps that each and every time I had to re-read the recipe. I don't like to use oil paints either (because of the mess and clean up). Truth...I think I'm lazy. Give me a casserole (from Costco) any day.
I did the sourdough thing, too. That's way harder than it looks and the dough is very sticky. I made some subpar bread. I hated it to because you have to tend to it every so often, and I couldn't remember when I was supposed to do what. Yes, rereading that recipe constantly!!!
You deserve a nice dinner out tonight :)
PS...my eldest is coming to visit me and I'll be picking him up in a couple of hours!!! So excited...so yes...a dinner out! :)
Thanks for the tips for sourdough (I'll never make it again!!!!) and enjoy your dinner with your kid.
Thanks.... and me neither!!!
My experience exactly! I did learn something new though, and that is to no try to wash the bowls, etc. out with hot water as that makes the flour pretty much stay glued to the bowl. Cold water is key, and that helps me even if I never make another subpar loaf. LOL
Love the "each and every time I had to re-read the recipe." A friend gave me starter, and because I didn't want the poor starter to "die," I told myself, I made bread every three days. I was actually addicted to it with lots of butter. I still feed my starter, but I'm done making and eating bread and butter for now! And yes, despite how often I made it, I had to read the complicated instructions every time!
I was wondering if I was the only one who had to do that…and here I’ve found two sisters.☺️
Your blog is so elevated! So grateful for you!
Thank you! I'm grateful for you, too.
Like the others who commented, I have never enjoyed cooking but it was a necessity. My husband loves to eat and will eat anyting I cook - I’m not so fond of his cooking . It’s too heavy. I do love going out to eat and takeout is fine but the sodium content is too high.
We joined a CSA last year which has been great - lots of fresh produce so we just add some chicken or some sort of protein. I use my crockpot a lot during the winter but not so much during the summer. I’ve often thought about taking a cooking class to just help with simple techniques and ideas of what to cook. My mother-in-law always said there are people who live to eat and people who eat to live. I just eat to live - except for chocolate.
Enjoy your trip!
Thanks, Carol! I'm with you about the sodium. I did the change from live to eat to eat to live as I got older. I can't eat as much as I used to, and sometimes order an appetizer as my main meal.
I cooked a dinner from scratch every night since my early 20's but a couple of years ago my husband started cooking more and now I've taken a huge step back , now only cooking about 3 times a week and not so fancy dishes. It's such a relief, like you it started to feel like a burden rather than a pleasure which is a shame as I always used to say I really enjoyed cooking. I think I have found things I like doing more now though and like to save the cooking for special occasions. I'm looking forward to receiving my postcard! Thank you for the mention, Ilona. x
Yes I have found things I enjoy doing more than cooking, too. Well said!
Fun read, Ilona! I'm with you - not fond of the cooking anymore. I love your overalls! Safe travels!
Yes, overalls are loose and comfy! Thanks for chiming in, Cherie.
I don't enjoy cooking, and now that hubby travels more for work, I get more nights off! I have a few standbys - quesadillas, rice & beans, or a big salad. And I'll do crockpot meals that feed us for 3 nights. I'm not sure how my mom managed to cook for a family of 7 every night, AND pack our lunches. There were too many of us to be picky eaters... if we didn't like it, we either had to eat it or we went hungry.
I need to do more crock-pottery. It's so easy to put things in there in the AM, and it's ready by the evening. Yes, it was the same at my house. I didn't dare not eat what my mother cooked.
OMG this sooo resonated with me! I actually like cooking, trying new recipes, etc, but I agree with your statement when cooking for a family of 4 every day-IT'S EXHAUSING!! Spending 5 years at the hotel we owned and having someone cook for me-every day was quite the luxury, and the chefs looked at me funny when I wanted to pop in the kitchen to make a simple grilled cheese or something! Now that we are back to the 'normal' life, just now 2 of us, I'm happy to again cook, shop and plan. (Not always but enough!).
That must have been amazing to have meals prepared by top-notch chefs. That would spoil me for the rest of my life. Did you learn anything from them?
It was unbelievable! I was for sure spoiled!! I learned a few tips and tricks but still cannot make 4 course meals for 20 people very well like they can!
I so appreciate your humor in this reflection, and it's so relatable. I'm curious about the type of compost bins you're using. Can you post the link, please. When you're not packing and getting ready for your fabulous trip. Enjoy.
Sure thing! Here it is: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09GVW8NNC?psc=1&ref=ppx_yo2ov_dt_b_product_details
Thank you!
I love to cook and so does my partner. She LOVES that I LOVE her cooking, and for her it's literally a meditative practice. She generates a vibe that is palpable every time she cooks; she'll play music and/or listen to podcasts in Spanish, German, or English(yeah, she's one of THOSE folks!😂)and consistently conjur something fabulous(without it being super-complicated, and usually vegan). I will happily clean up. When I do cook, I enjoy doing it and she likes what I make, too( spent many years working in restaurants).
This relationship started in my early 50's and I had never had a happy relationship before this one, much less one with a woman who could cook. Her cooking is an expression of her love. After spending most of my adult life either alone or in a few scattered, pretty fucked up relationships, I have definitely hit the jackpot! This December will be our 12th anniversary.
I empathize with your cooking burn-out and am glad that you can spend more of your time doing things you truly enjoy!
And, yes, I want a postcard! I will email you my address. Thank you!
First, I am so happy for you that you are with a partner who loves you and cooks for you! It is a rare thing to find *that* person. I appreciate that you clean up because I think that's the part where I go over the cliff of tiredness. I used to get in that meditative state cooking, but could only achieve it with wine. I don't drink anymore, and have not found that vibe again. Received your email and you're on my list for a postcard. Thanks for writing and allowing us a glimpse of the beautiful life you have created for yourself.
PS(Got your email with your address. You're on the list!!!)
I feel very fortunate.
Re postcards: I used to be a letter-writer. Your postcard idea is making me think about reviving that letter-writing habit.
I need to work on my handwriting, though; it used to be quiet neat...Not so much anymore...
Enjoy your adventure!
I wonder if lots of us share your ambivalence about cooking. My mom didn't like to cook, so "we girls" all three close to being in elementary school, read "Let's Eat Right to Keep Fit," or something like that, and had free rein in the kitchen. Our family ate nicely set sit down dinners every night, Dad in the "Captain's Chair" and each of us in set places. Each of us was expected to say something intelligent or funny about our day. I got into major "gourmet" cooking when my boyfriend and I had a job as editors of a gourmet magazine and got to eat anonymously in Seattle restaurants and then sit up all night writing about it. Now? My husband and I co-cook a midday meal from scratch. It's our dance in the kitchen.