I completely understand what you share here. My problem with letting it go is my late spouse. Thanksgiving was his favorite holiday. Even though it has been over four long years since losing him, my tiny family (5 of us) loves to get together and loves that I provide the meal. We do prepare it together, except for pie-making. So, until there is another option, I will host.
The good news is that at least once a year, I am encouraged to unearth my beloved china, crystal, and silver, and we sit in the little-used dining room I adore, and talk for hours. I hold onto it as a relic of the past, a romantic version of what life used to be, and in some cases, still is with loved ones.
Now, Christmas is an entirely different set of challenges. I may be mostly alone this year, but I will love my time by the fire with a good book. After all, I am never completely alone, am I?
Your day sounds lovely, as do your reasons for holding the dinner at your house. I'm especially glad that you are not doing the work of it alone. I don't begrudge anyone their right to be the hostess! It's just not me anymore.
Like you, Christmas is different. My kids all want to be in their own homes, and I completely understand. They need to make their own traditions, and if they want to include me, that's great, otherwise I'm fine making my own day.
We each need to find our own path, Ilona, and it makes me happy that you have found your own way through the muddle of families and holidays! Enjoy your Thanksgiving!
A few years ago I gave up cooking for Thanksgiving, actually ordered the meal, and a friend told me that I didn't need to feel guilty doing that. If it's a lot to make everything even if all are helping, you could order, still honor your spouse, get out all the fancy china still, and spend the time all together without the 'cooking' part. Gives you more time to sit and talk! either way sounds like a lovely day with the 5 of you! enjoy!
As a close personal friend of yours, I say "Bravo!" And I'll go one further: As you know, I've never been a big fan of your frenzied state whenever we host a barbecue or big meal at our house for family and/or friends. It's not worth all of the consternation. I'm a big fan of simply ordering pizzas (or other take-out food) and dispensing with all of the tension, pressure and angst. So yes, you go girl, you're starting the Anti-Domestic-Anxiety Movement (ADAM?!) and I'm right here on the bandwagon with you!
Yes, you started me on the journey. It is sooooo much easier to order. It may not taste as good as home-cooking, but it is a worthwhile compromise. Thank you, my man!
so much easier and more time to spend with yourself, or husband or any family that you choose to spend it with. Years ago I gave myself grace for not cooking all day and the day is much more wonderful (for me!)
Ilona, thank you so much for sharing. Just what I needed to hear. No turkey, maybe a small chicken or better yet going out to a restaurant for Thanksgiving. A lot of older people and especially those with no family left ,do that here. I am going through a very difficult time and despite the pain, I did house cleaning everyday for over 2 months in order to put the heat on. Moving all furniture, beds, bookshelves, etc. I am beyond exhausted.
I don't think I will do Christmas this year. It will be sad and difficult but I am through decorating for 3 weeks every year. Wish I had a family, family members or friends to share a meal but my family is practically gone and what's left ( one brother and his family) have caused me a lot of pain. I once read the book Unplug the Christmas Tree. Time to dig it up again. Glad that you have children where you can go for Thanksgiving. Good for you for not doing it all like you used There comes a time in our life where we have to do it OUR WAY.
Yvonne, thank you for sharing this so honestly. I'm sitting with what you wrote about moving furniture and bookshelves for two months just to get heat on—that's beyond exhausting, and I'm so sorry you're going through this difficult time.
Your decision not to decorate for Christmas this year isn't sad—it's wise. It's you listening to your body and your circumstances and choosing yourself. That takes courage, especially when the cultural pressure to perform joy is so loud.
The pain of complicated family relationships during the holidays is real. I know that layer of stress intimately from my own experience. You're not alone in that, even though I know it can feel isolating.
"Unplug the Christmas Tree" sounds like exactly the right book to revisit. And a restaurant Thanksgiving? That sounds peaceful, honest, and kind to yourself.
You're absolutely right—there does come a time when we have to do it OUR WAY. You're there. I'm honored that this essay met you where you are.
I send you support. The two months of cleaning to get the heat on broke my heart. I’ve been through some extremely difficult times in my life, and I understand. We are all connected.
Thank you, so much Paula for your kind comment. I have forced-air furnace ( don't know if you know how that works) but the house has to be deep cleaned because any dust on furniture, carpets (which I have through out) will be blown all over the house through the vents. An awful lot of work. I am fed up with it all. Other people have heat pumps, I suppose but with the design of the house, I can' t have one. Just wanted to clarify that I don't live in a filthy house. I am very fortunate to have a house but I wish it wasn't so much trouble. I didn't have much problem doing that in the past but now as I am getting older and sick and without any help, it has taken its toll. So sorry to hear that you had it difficult too. Domestic abuse makes it all so much more difficult.
I love this so much. I don’t have blood family. My family was horrifically abusive and dysfunctional, and although my sisters are still alive, they are dead to me. My husband and I have been through lots of tragedy in our lives (this is a fact; I don’t share it for sympathy). We don’t do holidays. Thanksgiving will be a frozen turkey breast I bought at Costco; just another meal. Yesterday was our eighth wedding anniversary, and we both forgot about it. I texted him when I was at work, and we both said, “oops.“ His two grown sons live in California; he’s close to the youngest one, but the oldest is mostly checked out. This time of year is difficult for many, many people.
Paula, thank you for sharing this so honestly. "Just another meal"—there's something deeply sane about that when the alternative is pretending holidays should mean something they don't.
The fact that you both forgot your anniversary and just texted "oops" without drama—that's actually beautiful. You've built a life together that doesn't need performance or prescribed meaning. That takes real clarity, especially after tragedy.
You're right that this time of year is difficult for many people. The cultural insistence that everyone should feel grateful and festive and surrounded by loving family is its own kind of cruelty when that's not your reality.
A frozen turkey breast from Costco sounds honest and good. I hope the day is peaceful for you both. 💙
Paula, thank you for posting. I don't have family left either, only a brother who's also dead to me because of the tremendous pain he caused me and another one who's mentally challenged who's under his control. He's a sweetheart and I miss him terribly. I also come from a horrifically abusive and dysfunctional family where it was forbidden, by my father, to have any celebrations. As you stated. this time of year is very difficult for many, many people. I am wondering if we could stay in touch, somehow. No pressure and absolutely no expectations. We have been through enough. Sending you a big hug❤
Yeah, we’ve always thought that’s what restaurants are for. Continuing the tradition this year, reservations at a local restaurant. Too much work and it’s been unfairly dumped primarily on women in the past.
Great mind shift, Ilona. My husband and I have participated in Friendsgivings many times and I do love having the mess end up at someone (someone younger) else's house and only having to bring a couple of sides...especially as my pain and health issues increase. On Christmas, I do miss the days when I had children at home, but I flew a couple of states away to be with my daughter and grandchildren one year and it was full of frenzy! I was exhausted by Christmas Eve. These days, my husband and I stay in our p.j.'s all day and cook something delectable (one year it was prime rib and lobster tails!). It's low, relaxing, and very low key. I love it.
Linda, this is such a perfect example of what I'm talking about. Prime rib and lobster tails in your pajamas sounds absolutely perfect—indulgent AND restful. That's the kind of third-chapter wisdom I'm talking about.
And you're so right about letting the younger ones handle the frenzy. You tried visiting your daughter and grandchildren and it was exhausting by Christmas Eve—that's valuable information about what your body needs now, especially as you're managing your health challenges.
"I love it" says everything. You've figured out what actually nourishes you versus what you think you're supposed to do. That's not settling—that's clarity.
Ilona, I love this: "winter is a time of Yin energy. Yin means that with the cold and the darkness, we naturally turn inside, rest, and reflect. The days are short. Everything is pulling us toward slowness and contemplation." Since I stopped "performing," I can now appreciate the fall and winter in a way I never did. When I was still drinking, Thanksgiving to New Years meant I could drink around the clock. Because it made me happy? No. Because it helped me not feel. I love the idea of slowness and contemplation now. Such a gift. Thanks for sharing this.
Kirie, this is beautiful. "I can now appreciate the fall and winter in a way I never did." When we stop numbing, we get to actually feel the seasons, actually experience the slowness instead of fighting through it or drinking through it. That's the gift on the other side of performing and medicating - you get to be present for your actual life. Thank you for sharing this so honestly. 💙
I had to smile at your description of holiday cooking without wine. I quit drinking a while back, and I had a similar discovery. Turns out I did not enjoy basting anything. I enjoyed distracting myself from doing it.
Your piece reminded me that honesty often arrives in the smallest, funniest ways. Like realizing you do not actually love peeling potatoes. Sometimes the truest path is the one where you bring the butter, set it down, and enjoy your people without trying to run a culinary marathon.
Basting is so over-rated! Yes--the distraction from doing it. That's exactly what I was chasing too. Turns out rest doesn't need to be earned through performance first
Yes, to all of this. Holidays can be fraught with expectations, exhaustion, and emotionality. Learning to create something new out of an inner need or family situation might be difficult at first, but so freeing!
Paulette, "difficult at first, but so freeing"—that's exactly it. The first time you say "I'm not doing this anymore," it feels terrifying. And then you realize the sky didn't fall. And then it starts to feel like relief.
Thank you for always being here. Your support means so much. 💙
Thank you for your words of encouragement and understanding. I don't know if you live in a house, condo or apartment but I would like to know how you tackle housecleaning even though I understand that 's not what your Substack is about. I have health issues (chronic pain), insomnia and physical, mental. emotional and financial abuse and I am tired of fighting the system here in Canada. It's so broken. I am depleted. I don't have the strength to fight anymore. I appreciate the article where you mentioned that you got a divorce. That 's the reason that I mentioned that I was alone ... total indifference from his part... doesn't see me as a human being. Thank you for your authenticity. All that Christmas decorating that I did in the past was never appreciated so that's another reason for not doing it anymore.
Yvonne, thank you for trusting me with this. What you're describing—chronic pain, insomnia, abuse, indifference, fighting systems that don't work—is so much to carry. I hear your exhaustion and depletion.
You mentioned housecleaning, and I think you've just given me an important essay topic. The burden of keeping a house clean, especially when you're already dealing with pain and exhaustion, especially when the work goes unappreciated—that's real and it matters. I'm going to write about it.
The detail that haunts me: "All that Christmas decorating that I did in the past was never appreciated." That's not just about decorations. That's about invisible labor and what it does to us when we give and give and it's met with indifference.
Your decision not to decorate anymore isn't giving up. It's finally stopping the giving that was never received.
I'm thinking of you. Please take care of yourself. 💙
Ilona, thank you so much for your kind and heartfelt comment. It means a lot to me. I feel heard and understood. and I treasure your words of encouragement and your feedback. I am so grateful to you and your blog. I love your authenticity.
Although my true loves are cooking and family, I support you 100% Ilona. I cannot imagine doing that level of work unless it truly brings you joy. I think we need to do what energizes us and feeds our soul, whatever it is. It can be different for each of us and that’s the beauty of freedom of choice. I hate parties and large gatherings and many others love those. Know yourself. Very true words.
Jan, this is so beautifully said. You've named exactly what matters—that cooking and gathering truly brings YOU joy, so you do it. It energizes you and feeds your soul. That's so different from performing it out of obligation.
"It can be different for each of us and that's the beauty of freedom of choice"—yes. This isn't about convincing everyone to stop hosting. It's about each of us getting honest about what we actually want versus what we think we're supposed to want.
Thank you for this perspective. It's a great reminder that knowing yourself means honoring your real desires, whether that's cooking an elaborate meal or ordering takeout. 💙
I have so many mixed feelings about all holidays that are steeped in consumerism, worn out traditions and falsehoods. The winter holidays are high on my “refuse to fall into that trap” category. Happy that you’re finding what works for you in this season of pause and reflection.
Yes—the consumerism and performance of it all can be so draining. I love how you frame it as a 'season of pause and reflection' rather than what we're told it should be. That's exactly it.
I'm glad that you enjoyed the meals I made for you. That was the goal! But I lost some of myself over the years of serving and never filling up my own cup. Glad to be on a new journey with you, SIL! ❤️
I loved this piece and admire your courage. I’ve been exhausted the last few years with hosting our large gathering and I’m glad to have a break this year due to the Loop. I’m not sure I have the courage to give it up altogether though. I’ll need to think that one through.
I'm so glad you get a break this year—exhaustion is real information about what your body needs. And you don't have to decide "altogether" right now. Maybe this year's break will help you figure out what parts you actually want to keep and what parts you've been doing out of obligation. There's no rush to have all the answers. 💙
Such a betrayal, Lolo!! LOL. Just kidding. I'll never forget flying home to Chicago from Paris for Thanksgiving long ago. My mom said she made a ham, not a turkey. I was crushed. After that, she started burning dinner. I'm pretty sure it was her way of saying she was done cooking for us. Now she cooks for joy again and her amazing skills have returned. I can still taste her cooking to this day.
I completely understand what you share here. My problem with letting it go is my late spouse. Thanksgiving was his favorite holiday. Even though it has been over four long years since losing him, my tiny family (5 of us) loves to get together and loves that I provide the meal. We do prepare it together, except for pie-making. So, until there is another option, I will host.
The good news is that at least once a year, I am encouraged to unearth my beloved china, crystal, and silver, and we sit in the little-used dining room I adore, and talk for hours. I hold onto it as a relic of the past, a romantic version of what life used to be, and in some cases, still is with loved ones.
Now, Christmas is an entirely different set of challenges. I may be mostly alone this year, but I will love my time by the fire with a good book. After all, I am never completely alone, am I?
Your day sounds lovely, as do your reasons for holding the dinner at your house. I'm especially glad that you are not doing the work of it alone. I don't begrudge anyone their right to be the hostess! It's just not me anymore.
Like you, Christmas is different. My kids all want to be in their own homes, and I completely understand. They need to make their own traditions, and if they want to include me, that's great, otherwise I'm fine making my own day.
We each need to find our own path, Ilona, and it makes me happy that you have found your own way through the muddle of families and holidays! Enjoy your Thanksgiving!
A few years ago I gave up cooking for Thanksgiving, actually ordered the meal, and a friend told me that I didn't need to feel guilty doing that. If it's a lot to make everything even if all are helping, you could order, still honor your spouse, get out all the fancy china still, and spend the time all together without the 'cooking' part. Gives you more time to sit and talk! either way sounds like a lovely day with the 5 of you! enjoy!
As a close personal friend of yours, I say "Bravo!" And I'll go one further: As you know, I've never been a big fan of your frenzied state whenever we host a barbecue or big meal at our house for family and/or friends. It's not worth all of the consternation. I'm a big fan of simply ordering pizzas (or other take-out food) and dispensing with all of the tension, pressure and angst. So yes, you go girl, you're starting the Anti-Domestic-Anxiety Movement (ADAM?!) and I'm right here on the bandwagon with you!
Yes, you started me on the journey. It is sooooo much easier to order. It may not taste as good as home-cooking, but it is a worthwhile compromise. Thank you, my man!
so much easier and more time to spend with yourself, or husband or any family that you choose to spend it with. Years ago I gave myself grace for not cooking all day and the day is much more wonderful (for me!)
Ilona, thank you so much for sharing. Just what I needed to hear. No turkey, maybe a small chicken or better yet going out to a restaurant for Thanksgiving. A lot of older people and especially those with no family left ,do that here. I am going through a very difficult time and despite the pain, I did house cleaning everyday for over 2 months in order to put the heat on. Moving all furniture, beds, bookshelves, etc. I am beyond exhausted.
I don't think I will do Christmas this year. It will be sad and difficult but I am through decorating for 3 weeks every year. Wish I had a family, family members or friends to share a meal but my family is practically gone and what's left ( one brother and his family) have caused me a lot of pain. I once read the book Unplug the Christmas Tree. Time to dig it up again. Glad that you have children where you can go for Thanksgiving. Good for you for not doing it all like you used There comes a time in our life where we have to do it OUR WAY.
Yvonne, thank you for sharing this so honestly. I'm sitting with what you wrote about moving furniture and bookshelves for two months just to get heat on—that's beyond exhausting, and I'm so sorry you're going through this difficult time.
Your decision not to decorate for Christmas this year isn't sad—it's wise. It's you listening to your body and your circumstances and choosing yourself. That takes courage, especially when the cultural pressure to perform joy is so loud.
The pain of complicated family relationships during the holidays is real. I know that layer of stress intimately from my own experience. You're not alone in that, even though I know it can feel isolating.
"Unplug the Christmas Tree" sounds like exactly the right book to revisit. And a restaurant Thanksgiving? That sounds peaceful, honest, and kind to yourself.
You're absolutely right—there does come a time when we have to do it OUR WAY. You're there. I'm honored that this essay met you where you are.
Sending you care during this season. 💙
I send you support. The two months of cleaning to get the heat on broke my heart. I’ve been through some extremely difficult times in my life, and I understand. We are all connected.
Thank you, so much Paula for your kind comment. I have forced-air furnace ( don't know if you know how that works) but the house has to be deep cleaned because any dust on furniture, carpets (which I have through out) will be blown all over the house through the vents. An awful lot of work. I am fed up with it all. Other people have heat pumps, I suppose but with the design of the house, I can' t have one. Just wanted to clarify that I don't live in a filthy house. I am very fortunate to have a house but I wish it wasn't so much trouble. I didn't have much problem doing that in the past but now as I am getting older and sick and without any help, it has taken its toll. So sorry to hear that you had it difficult too. Domestic abuse makes it all so much more difficult.
We will be volunteering at a local restaurant to help serve those who might need a good meal.
Love this, Leah! That sounds like the perfect thing to do. Thank you for doing this.
I keep reminding myself: simplify!
I love this so much. I don’t have blood family. My family was horrifically abusive and dysfunctional, and although my sisters are still alive, they are dead to me. My husband and I have been through lots of tragedy in our lives (this is a fact; I don’t share it for sympathy). We don’t do holidays. Thanksgiving will be a frozen turkey breast I bought at Costco; just another meal. Yesterday was our eighth wedding anniversary, and we both forgot about it. I texted him when I was at work, and we both said, “oops.“ His two grown sons live in California; he’s close to the youngest one, but the oldest is mostly checked out. This time of year is difficult for many, many people.
Paula, thank you for sharing this so honestly. "Just another meal"—there's something deeply sane about that when the alternative is pretending holidays should mean something they don't.
The fact that you both forgot your anniversary and just texted "oops" without drama—that's actually beautiful. You've built a life together that doesn't need performance or prescribed meaning. That takes real clarity, especially after tragedy.
You're right that this time of year is difficult for many people. The cultural insistence that everyone should feel grateful and festive and surrounded by loving family is its own kind of cruelty when that's not your reality.
A frozen turkey breast from Costco sounds honest and good. I hope the day is peaceful for you both. 💙
Paula, thank you for posting. I don't have family left either, only a brother who's also dead to me because of the tremendous pain he caused me and another one who's mentally challenged who's under his control. He's a sweetheart and I miss him terribly. I also come from a horrifically abusive and dysfunctional family where it was forbidden, by my father, to have any celebrations. As you stated. this time of year is very difficult for many, many people. I am wondering if we could stay in touch, somehow. No pressure and absolutely no expectations. We have been through enough. Sending you a big hug❤
Yes, Yvonne, let’s do that. My DM‘s are open; please send me a message.
Yeah, we’ve always thought that’s what restaurants are for. Continuing the tradition this year, reservations at a local restaurant. Too much work and it’s been unfairly dumped primarily on women in the past.
Yes! "That's what restaurants are for"—I love the simplicity of that. And thank you for naming that it's been unfairly dumped on women. That matters.
Enjoy your restaurant reservation. That sounds like actual rest instead of performance.
We certainly will and hope you and your family enjoy Thanksgiving, Ilona!
And to you and your family as well, Keith!
Great mind shift, Ilona. My husband and I have participated in Friendsgivings many times and I do love having the mess end up at someone (someone younger) else's house and only having to bring a couple of sides...especially as my pain and health issues increase. On Christmas, I do miss the days when I had children at home, but I flew a couple of states away to be with my daughter and grandchildren one year and it was full of frenzy! I was exhausted by Christmas Eve. These days, my husband and I stay in our p.j.'s all day and cook something delectable (one year it was prime rib and lobster tails!). It's low, relaxing, and very low key. I love it.
Linda, this is such a perfect example of what I'm talking about. Prime rib and lobster tails in your pajamas sounds absolutely perfect—indulgent AND restful. That's the kind of third-chapter wisdom I'm talking about.
And you're so right about letting the younger ones handle the frenzy. You tried visiting your daughter and grandchildren and it was exhausting by Christmas Eve—that's valuable information about what your body needs now, especially as you're managing your health challenges.
"I love it" says everything. You've figured out what actually nourishes you versus what you think you're supposed to do. That's not settling—that's clarity.
Thank you for sharing this. 💙
Thanks, Ilona. I love reframes. Today I told someone I felt I've become cynical. She said, "No...you've become discerning. Thank you!!
Ilona, I love this: "winter is a time of Yin energy. Yin means that with the cold and the darkness, we naturally turn inside, rest, and reflect. The days are short. Everything is pulling us toward slowness and contemplation." Since I stopped "performing," I can now appreciate the fall and winter in a way I never did. When I was still drinking, Thanksgiving to New Years meant I could drink around the clock. Because it made me happy? No. Because it helped me not feel. I love the idea of slowness and contemplation now. Such a gift. Thanks for sharing this.
Kirie, this is beautiful. "I can now appreciate the fall and winter in a way I never did." When we stop numbing, we get to actually feel the seasons, actually experience the slowness instead of fighting through it or drinking through it. That's the gift on the other side of performing and medicating - you get to be present for your actual life. Thank you for sharing this so honestly. 💙
I had to smile at your description of holiday cooking without wine. I quit drinking a while back, and I had a similar discovery. Turns out I did not enjoy basting anything. I enjoyed distracting myself from doing it.
Your piece reminded me that honesty often arrives in the smallest, funniest ways. Like realizing you do not actually love peeling potatoes. Sometimes the truest path is the one where you bring the butter, set it down, and enjoy your people without trying to run a culinary marathon.
Basting is so over-rated! Yes--the distraction from doing it. That's exactly what I was chasing too. Turns out rest doesn't need to be earned through performance first
Yes, to all of this. Holidays can be fraught with expectations, exhaustion, and emotionality. Learning to create something new out of an inner need or family situation might be difficult at first, but so freeing!
Cheers to you, Ilona.
Paulette, "difficult at first, but so freeing"—that's exactly it. The first time you say "I'm not doing this anymore," it feels terrifying. And then you realize the sky didn't fall. And then it starts to feel like relief.
Thank you for always being here. Your support means so much. 💙
It's like building an internal muscle. Which reminds me to get to the gym!
Aww, that's so kind to say. And of course, your writing enriches my life.
Thank you for your words of encouragement and understanding. I don't know if you live in a house, condo or apartment but I would like to know how you tackle housecleaning even though I understand that 's not what your Substack is about. I have health issues (chronic pain), insomnia and physical, mental. emotional and financial abuse and I am tired of fighting the system here in Canada. It's so broken. I am depleted. I don't have the strength to fight anymore. I appreciate the article where you mentioned that you got a divorce. That 's the reason that I mentioned that I was alone ... total indifference from his part... doesn't see me as a human being. Thank you for your authenticity. All that Christmas decorating that I did in the past was never appreciated so that's another reason for not doing it anymore.
Yvonne, thank you for trusting me with this. What you're describing—chronic pain, insomnia, abuse, indifference, fighting systems that don't work—is so much to carry. I hear your exhaustion and depletion.
You mentioned housecleaning, and I think you've just given me an important essay topic. The burden of keeping a house clean, especially when you're already dealing with pain and exhaustion, especially when the work goes unappreciated—that's real and it matters. I'm going to write about it.
The detail that haunts me: "All that Christmas decorating that I did in the past was never appreciated." That's not just about decorations. That's about invisible labor and what it does to us when we give and give and it's met with indifference.
Your decision not to decorate anymore isn't giving up. It's finally stopping the giving that was never received.
I'm thinking of you. Please take care of yourself. 💙
Ilona, thank you so much for your kind and heartfelt comment. It means a lot to me. I feel heard and understood. and I treasure your words of encouragement and your feedback. I am so grateful to you and your blog. I love your authenticity.
Although my true loves are cooking and family, I support you 100% Ilona. I cannot imagine doing that level of work unless it truly brings you joy. I think we need to do what energizes us and feeds our soul, whatever it is. It can be different for each of us and that’s the beauty of freedom of choice. I hate parties and large gatherings and many others love those. Know yourself. Very true words.
Jan, this is so beautifully said. You've named exactly what matters—that cooking and gathering truly brings YOU joy, so you do it. It energizes you and feeds your soul. That's so different from performing it out of obligation.
"It can be different for each of us and that's the beauty of freedom of choice"—yes. This isn't about convincing everyone to stop hosting. It's about each of us getting honest about what we actually want versus what we think we're supposed to want.
Thank you for this perspective. It's a great reminder that knowing yourself means honoring your real desires, whether that's cooking an elaborate meal or ordering takeout. 💙
I have so many mixed feelings about all holidays that are steeped in consumerism, worn out traditions and falsehoods. The winter holidays are high on my “refuse to fall into that trap” category. Happy that you’re finding what works for you in this season of pause and reflection.
Yes—the consumerism and performance of it all can be so draining. I love how you frame it as a 'season of pause and reflection' rather than what we're told it should be. That's exactly it.
Your Thanksgiving dinners were very special to me. It’s interesting that I never saw all the stress in you. So enjoy your new normal.. ❤️🦃
We have a new chapter you and I☀️
I'm glad that you enjoyed the meals I made for you. That was the goal! But I lost some of myself over the years of serving and never filling up my own cup. Glad to be on a new journey with you, SIL! ❤️
I loved this piece and admire your courage. I’ve been exhausted the last few years with hosting our large gathering and I’m glad to have a break this year due to the Loop. I’m not sure I have the courage to give it up altogether though. I’ll need to think that one through.
I'm so glad you get a break this year—exhaustion is real information about what your body needs. And you don't have to decide "altogether" right now. Maybe this year's break will help you figure out what parts you actually want to keep and what parts you've been doing out of obligation. There's no rush to have all the answers. 💙
Such a betrayal, Lolo!! LOL. Just kidding. I'll never forget flying home to Chicago from Paris for Thanksgiving long ago. My mom said she made a ham, not a turkey. I was crushed. After that, she started burning dinner. I'm pretty sure it was her way of saying she was done cooking for us. Now she cooks for joy again and her amazing skills have returned. I can still taste her cooking to this day.
I'll host you next year! Get over yourself, Lolo. 🤣