Not Dead Yet?
Let's be friends.
They were like a hive of buzzing bees. Three ladies at my mom's nursing home had formed a friendship despite their disease.
All had dementia.
One member of the trio, Rita, was a former model who had lived a cosmopolitan life in Manhattan. Her signature look at the nursing home was a ski sweater, turtleneck, and polyester pants. White sneakers completed the ensemble.
She spoke complete gibberish, and she'd pause when it was my turn to speak. I read her body language and would try to match her tone with an appropriate response. She seemed satisfied with whatever I said back.
The second was Carmella, who accessorized with color-coordinated crocheted shawls. She was the quintessential Italian matriarch. Her family took her weekly to have her hair coiffed and nails manicured.
She had the dignified manner of a queen. She wore so much gold I worried for her safety. How does one keep track of that much expensive jewelry in a nursing home? Her kids clearly lost that battle.
Despite her dementia, Carmella took pride in her living quarters. Everything was in its place. And boy, was she rough on new roommates. She ruled her dominion with an iron fist, and she managed to keep the double-occupancy room to herself.
And then there was Grace. Her brown eyes sat in deep wells of darkness. She greeted me every single time as if I were her daughter. After hugging me, she'd tell me I was beautiful and that she loved me.
She carried a baby doll with her everywhere. Once she spoke of her desire to have another baby with her (long dead) husband.
Also a fan of year-round turtleneck fashion, Grace was dreadfully thin. The staff would lament that she only ate one bite at mealtimes. Her (real) daughter told me her diet before the nursing home had been beer and cigarettes.
As serendipity would have it, the three ladies found each other at Arnold Walter Nursing Home. Linking arms, they walked up and down the halls. They possessed a camaraderie as if they'd been together for lifetimes. When stopping to huddle, they exchanged conspiratorial looks over their shared secrets.
The day we moved my mother in, they surrounded my husband like schoolgirls. The nurse reprimanded them, "Ladies, he's married." They quickly scattered.
I wonder if they would have liked each other before landing there. Would they have been friends when they still had full use of their minds?
Rita passed first, followed by Grace. Carmella hadn’t made any new friends by the time my mom died in May 2020.
Studies have shown that people live longer if they are still connected to family, friends, and their community. Our desire for kinship is strong no matter our age or circumstance. Even if we don’t speak the same language, we have our humanity in common. And that, it seems, is enough.
YOGA
We are in week 4 of our 4-week series of Gentle Yoga, Breathwork, and Meditation. This week’s focus will be on restorative yoga. Bring all your props and prepare for a night of letting go.
Did you miss this go-round? Don’t worry we’ll start up another yoga series in April.
BOOK CLUB
We have a new book for April— “The Friends We Keep,” by Jane Green. We will meet on Monday, April 11th at 7 p.m. to discuss. Read about the book here.
This is the second to last book club before we take our summer break. We hope you’ll join us. Sign up for the Zoom link here.