33 Comments
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Andrea Stoeckel's avatar

"Courage is fear walking"

Love that! I can sing, in fact when I was serving rural churches I was often the choir 😄. However, being discaclic and music being mathematical I cannot read one note. But, singing has saved my life

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Ilona Goanos's avatar

I find it amazing that you do everything by feel. I can see how singing saved your life. Sound is so powerful.

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Armand Beede's avatar

Ilona Goanos: OK, already, I WILL take out the . . .

Your voice is commanding and convincing.

Also, there seems to be cheer and wholeness that is part of the deeply compassionate person you are.

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Ilona Goanos's avatar

Yay! The garbage is done. Good work, Armando.

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Carol's avatar

I love this! I too wish I could sing. I love to sing but it does not spund like I think it does. My mother once told me “an Irish tenor you’re not” while you grew up in a German household, I grew up in an Irish household. When my son was about a year old, I was once singing while I was carrying him and he covered my mouth with his hand. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I think you get the picture. I think this is a wonderful, joyous thing to do!

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Ilona Goanos's avatar

Carol, we don't always get validated, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't do it.🤣 It feels nice to sing, no?

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Carol's avatar

It does!

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Bill Alstrom (MAtoMainetoMA)'s avatar

In my next life I want to have the ability to be "musical". I know, I know, your message is that I could find my voice now. But whenever I try, the dog runs to hide under the bed. /s

But seriously, this is a terrific letter and one of the reasons I spend so much time on Substack. What a great way to start my day. Your attitude is a beacon for those who want to grow. Kudos.

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Ilona Goanos's avatar

Thanks. I felt nervous sharing that I was doing this. It's not like I'm inviting anyone to my first concert 🤣

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Linda Hoenigsberg's avatar

This is so cool, Ilona. I have always been a little sad I did not get a natural singing voice. I listen to some young singers and think, "Why couldn't I have been born with a voice like that?" I also know it can be learned. Good for you! That acceptance piece is a hard one and something I constantly work on.

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Ilona Goanos's avatar

I am envious of beautiful voices, too. It is what it is. I've got what I got, and I can try to change things but hopefully detach from the fruits of my labors (that's yogic logic).

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Monica Hebert's avatar

Thank you! I used to walk around my house singing as I tended to chores, etc. Somewhere along the way I dropped the habit. I am grateful for this kind and most interesting reminder.

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Ilona Goanos's avatar

It's so good for the nervous system, too. Let 'er rip, Monica!

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Alexander Lovell, PhD's avatar

Your story beautifully illustrates the transformative power of a good teacher. Chris's approach, combining music with movement, breath, and a non-judgmental environment, sounds incredibly empowering. It reminds me of the importance of finding teachers who understand that learning is a holistic journey, not just about hitting the right notes.

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Ilona Goanos's avatar

Yes, he is teaching me so much more than singing. Thank you for picking up on that, Dr. A.

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Glenna Gill's avatar

Ilona, I really, really, really love this. You aren’t alone in wishing you could sing better. I practice in my car, the shower, and even in harmony with my stereo (I love to harmonize). I know I’m not great, but it makes me so happy. My husband sang in a band for years, and I beg him to teach me how but he won’t. I just want to be good enough for karaoke…haha.

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Ilona Goanos's avatar

Yes, I want to be a karaoke queen, Glenna! It's the little things, right?

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Glenna Gill's avatar

We deserve to smash that goal, Ilona. Then we can sing a duet together.

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Ilona Goanos's avatar

I’ll be Sonny and you be Cher.

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Sue Ferrera's avatar

I love this post. I've been having thoughts about singing over the last six months. Interesting to read this. I can't wait to follow your journey and hear more about it. Maybe when we meet in May I can pick your brain! Keep up the brave journey. 💕💕💕

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Ilona Goanos's avatar

Sure thing! I'll be six months into my lessons by then. Looking forward to meeting you, Sue.

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Sue Ferrera's avatar

Me too you!!!

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Christopher Landriau's avatar

Such a beautiful and clear account of your journey, Ilona! Thank you.

I love how you frame resistance as something to work with:

"Just as a yoga pose asks us to explore our body's limits, singing invites us to explore the edges of the voice, comfort, and self-expression."

With singing, it's common to think resistance = truth. But you've shown us another way!

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to take out the garbage.

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Ilona Goanos's avatar

🤣 🤣 🤣 Please don't write anything about me in that notebook of yours.

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mark's avatar

Check out this book: EFFORTLESS MASTERY by Kenny Werner. He has a bunch of videos on YouTube. He addresses the self-acceptance issue. Hope you like it!

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Ilona Goanos's avatar

Thank you, Mark. Nice to hear from you. I will definitely check it out.

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Frederick Fullerton's avatar

Some of us who angelically sang in a choir as kids passed beyond the point of no return when our voices crumbled into a raspy grumble. Good luck with yours, Ilona.

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Ilona Goanos's avatar

Thanks, I'll take all the luck I can get, Frederick.

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Paulette Bodeman's avatar

This is so fun! And inspiring.

It also reminds me of the first yoga teacher training I took ages ago. The teacher asked what our biggest fear about teaching was. Among my many worries, I shared that I could not sing, and I was afraid of having to chant the Anusara Invocation at the beginning of class. Of course, days later, in front of the entire class, I was asked to chant. Sweating and voice shaking, I did it.

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Ilona Goanos's avatar

I love the synergy here! I find chanting much easier than singing. I guess if it's pretty monotone, and I can manage it. Although the first time a teacher asked me, I was timid at first, too.

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Paulette Bodeman's avatar

Yes, I agree. Chanting somehow lets me hide and participate. 🗣️

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Lorraine Evanoff's avatar

Lolo!

This is like a therapeutic hug for me. Growing up surrounded by operatic voices in my family was the epitome of discouraging. But your words might help me accept my relatively weak lungs and cracking voice and just enjoy singing. 🥰

"There's a saying in yoga: “The moment you want to get out of the pose, the pose truly begins." I'm discovering the same thing with singing.

Those moments when I want to retreat, like when my voice cracks, or I miss a note, are the moments of greatest possibility. Just as a yoga pose asks us to explore our body's limits, singing invites us to explore the edges of the voice, comfort, and self-expression."

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Kirie Pedersen's avatar

I love hearing about how you decided to find your singing voice, just as you earlier found your yoga body. Just last night, weirdly, reading Katherine May's Wintering, I encountered a similar description of her singing lessons after she completely lost her voice after giving birth. Her teacher breathed her back into voice similarly to how yours did. Thanks for this, Ilona.

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