Tell Me Lies, Tell Me Sweet Little Lies
How I became a serial liar.
The Book Club finished our fifth book this season. If you haven't read "The Confession Club" by Elizabeth Berg, well, here's a quick recap.
The setting is small-town America, where a group of ladies gathers once a month for a meal in someone's home. At each meeting, one of them confesses a deep dark secret. Their secrets span a gamut from small infractions to slightly racy admissions.
Our Book Club members wondered why bother telling our secrets to others. For my part, I thought it might be therapeutic and even liberating. The topic of secrets and its evil step-sister 'lies' led me down a rabbit hole.
I tried recalling as many of my deceptions as possible. How many could there be? I thought I was honest. I mean, basically. Although not a saint or anything, for sure.
But as I started thinking of my secrets and lies, I realized I didn't have a spotless track record AT ALL. I felt icky as old memories surfaced.
In case there is any doubt, I am a liar.
With 50+ years of lying experience, I am in good company. According to Scientific American, 97 percent of people have at least one secret at any given moment. On average, people carry 13 secrets at one time. 13!
If you need help jogging your memory, take this quiz. That should get deception recall flowing!
Here are the most common secrets:
desires
preferences
relationships and sex
cheating
infidelity
violations of others' trust.
I know why I am so good at deception. I had a lot of practice and an early start.
As a kid, telling the truth was not safe. My capacity to understand my mother's mental illness was non-existent. But I did know that I shouldn't demand anything or upset her unstable moods with my needs. Here is an example.
One day my mother left me in the car, an old black Falcon, while she grocery shopped. Only four years old, I was afraid to be alone. A mother and child found me crying in the back seat. Soon a policeman appeared and took my hand to find my mother. I remember seeing her mortified face at the Pantry Pride checkout.
That incident cost me. Furious, my mother locked me in my room for the rest of the day until my father came home. If you've never raised children, this punishment was severe for someone so young.
I learned lessons that I carried into adulthood. Expressing emotion was dangerous. Measure and weigh everything before reacting. Lie, when necessary, to escape danger.
I tell you my story not so you'll feel sorry for me. And no, this story isn't for the three percent who don't carry secrets. (Who are you, people? Do you live in an ashram somewhere?)
I'm sharing it because I hope you'll do one simple thing. Ask yourself when you started lying and why. Maybe you had compelling reasons to learn to lie, too.
I’m going to shine a light on this issue again in my next newsletter.
BOOK CLUB
The next Book Club meeting is on Monday, March 6th at 7 p.m. The book is “A Gentleman in Moscow” by Amor Towels.
YOGA
Our next four-week yoga series begins on Tuesday, March 7th at 7 p.m. This series will be a combination of meditation, breathing, and gentle movement. I plan on devoting a half-hour to meditation and breathing and forty-five minutes to movement. The movement will be accessible to beginners and those desiring a less rigorous practice. If you have trouble with your knees or hips, you will be able to do this class on a chair or with other modifications.
The cost is $50 for all four classes. If you miss a class, it will be recorded so that you can take it at your convenience.