The Journey That Made My German Passport Feel Like More Than Just Paper
It is so much more than a little red book.
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Five short months ago, I discovered that I am a German citizen, and I now have a German passport to prove it. I gained this status because I was born to German nationals living in the United States who had not yet become naturalized citizens. (You can read about my discovery here.)
In December, my husband and I made an impromptu visit to see my relatives in northern Germany. I hadn't seen most of my cousins since 1988 when they were teenagers, and I was a tender 25-year-old. The trip was a way to form new memories and relationships, free from the lens of the past. Since both my parents and my cousins’ parents had died, we had a license to forge new connections.
The trip was also an excuse to take my new little red passport out for a spin.
Allow me to share the joy and tribulation of using my German passport for the first time. My new book didn’t have an instruction manual, so I googled it. If you're a dual citizen, the U.S. government requires that you use your American passport when entering or leaving the U.S.
After that, you’re on your own.
Once we landed in Berlin, I felt an undeniable excitement as I prepared to validate my new identity. I first thought I'd get a stamp on one of its clean, crisp pages, but you don't get stamped when you enter your own country.
Duh.
When I showed my passport to a Berlin airport employee, she softly said, "Deutsche," and signaled me to follow the other German citizens with books like mine. All I had to do was scan my passport and gaze into the biometric camera.
It was fast and seamless.
I’m relieved to report no one arrested me. I’ve watched a lot of “Locked Up Abroad” and entertained the thought that my passport was invalid or forged and that I’d end up in a Russian gulag somewhere.
Meanwhile, my husband waited 20 minutes in the non-EU citizen line while I surfed my phone in the waiting area.
When he finally got through, we went to get our vehicle. Surprise, surprise—we didn't get the crossover SUV we reserved. The bait-and-switch is alive and well in Germany, just like everywhere else you rent a car. We ended up with an Audi, but everything in the car, including the owner’s manual, was written in German.
Germans are adamant about using their language in their country. Sheesh. Every other country we’ve been to cuts its tourists some slack with English alongside the mother tongue in their rental cars. While German was my first language, plus having studied it for eight years in a German weekend school my parents forced me into as a child, I'd forgotten much of it. I duolingo'd it like crazy before our trip, yet I could not figure out how to change the language in the Audi to English. Luckily, my husband, who doesn't know a lick of German, figured it out within the first hour of our four-hour trip.
The German autobahns are like racetracks, with only certain sections subject to speed limits. If you drive too slowly in the left lane, the driver behind you will flash their headlights. It was unnerving, so I constantly looked for impatient drivers behind us to alert my husband. (I'm good at this, though my husband disagrees.) On top of that, we were both jet-lagged from our 7-hour flight plus a four-hour flight delay in Newark, so I worried my husband might fall asleep at the wheel.
If you're ever in northern Germany, headed west to the town of Cloppenburg from Berlin, and your GPS tells you to go off the main road onto a desolate single-lane road called "Baumweg," don't do it. This misty, dark, and very creepy road looks like flying monkeys or zombies might descend from the mammoth trees at any moment. That was the first and only time our GPS demonstrated questionable judgment.
Thankfully, we made it to Cloppenburg that night in one piece, although we were late for the home-cooked dinner my friend had prepared.
The next day, the morning didn't break until 8 a.m., and it got dark by 4 p.m. The gray atmosphere reminded me of the last time I was there over the Christmas holidays: rain and mist, like in an English spy novel. The weather was depressing to me, but to my cousins, it was simply a way of life.
One moment that stood out to me in Cloppenburg was a moment I didn't have.
When I visited Germany as a kid, we used to stay at my uncle's farm, originally my grandparents' farm, where my mom and her siblings had grown up. I have memories of the farm animals and my cousins as babies. The Pfanni Turm (tower)—a landmark from the company that makes kitchen-ready potato products—sat across the field from the farm and still stands today. Since my aunt and uncle sold the farm, I wanted to see the tower and the spot where they used to live. Unfortunately, we didn’t pass the landmark during our travels and only considered seeing it on our way out.
Something for next time.
We left Cloppenburg to return to Berlin and the sunshine. Before we left the U.S., I remembered I’d been to Berlin sometime before 1989, when the wall still stood. I recall the chill in my spine from viewing the guard in the tower who moved his gun from side to side while eyeing the pedestrians below.
Only sections of the wall remain now, and you can buy commemorative pieces with authenticity certificates in souvenir shops (which we did.)
We hopped on and off the trademark red sightseeing buses to see the city. We were lucky enough to experience two Christmas markets that were still open. I wanted to try the currywurst I learned about on Duolingo, but I opted for a foot-long bratwurst on a soft bun instead. I highly recommend it! The currywurst will have to wait until next time.
New Year's Eve in Berlin was an experience unto itself. The place to bring in the New Year is Brandenburg Gate, which hosts a vast open-air party with DJs and a fireworks display. Since this was a last-minute trip, we didn't get tickets in time. Instead, we managed to see the main fireworks on a street near our hotel, as well as those fireworks set off by individuals on every corner and in every open space.
New Year’s Eve is one of the few days citizens can legally set off fireworks. We were only a couple yards away from a group of adults setting up their rockets. The crackling explosions sounded like warfare, with sirens blaring intermittently. It was both a fantastic and frightening experience to be that close to losing a body part. Four hundred people were arrested after confrontations and attacks on police officers throughout the night.
Of course, empty wine bottles, beer cans, and fireworks debris were everywhere the next day. The city cleanup crews had their work cut out for weeks to come.
We had no problems on the way back home. As I left the country, I confidently used my German passport. This trip, with the knowledge of my dual citizenship, made me feel more connected to my ancestry, cousins, and the world. Discovering my German citizenship made the globe seem smaller.
My cousins and I freshly appreciated each other, seeing one another as adults who matured and weathered life’s lessons. I saw them and Germany through a new perspective, creating new memories and relationships I will cherish.
On my next trip to Germany, I plan to visit another contingent of cousins in the port city of Bremerhaven, located on the country's northern tip. New experiences, connections, and memories await!
There's a bittersweetness to revisiting the past, especially when it's tied to places and people who are no longer there. It's like trying to catch a glimpse of something that's just out of reach, a memory that's both precious and painful. I wonder, how do we honor the past while embracing the present, especially when they seem so far apart?
Thanks for the great travel story, Ilona. I always like going places with you and your husband!