I'm a memoir junkie who especially loves a good rags-to-riches story. I find it fascinating when people rise above the most dire circumstances and grow into success.
I've read the life stories of Bruce Springsteen, Alec Baldwin, Rob Lowe, Katie Couric, Angela Merkel, Ted Turner, Barack Obama, Michelle Obama, Matthew McConaughy, Anthony Bourdain, Donald Trump, Trevor Noah, Steve Jobs, Amy Poehler, Malala Yousafzai, Jennette McCurdy, Jeannette Walls, Tara Westover, Cheryl Strayed, Maya Angelou, and many more.
From the above list, only one, former POTUS Donald Trump, was raised with a silver spoon. I relate more to the rest because of their humble upbringings, much like mine.
Reading about Jane Fonda, the actor and child of Henry Fonda, was never on my radar. I thought of her as a rich kid whose father's connections helped her jump the line to get into show business. My dad painted buildings for a living so her life was something I could not relate to.
But on a recent podcast, a guest psychologist was raving about her book, "My Life So Far." Since I like to call myself out on my own BS, I put aside my misgivings and read her story.
Despite having been born into wealth, Jane had her share of hardships. Her mother suffered from mental illness and committed suicide when Jane was in elementary school. Her father, Henry Fonda, was distant and cold. He left the parenting of his bereaved children to their maternal grandmother and took off.
What I found disarming about her was her willingness to look back and understand why she did what she did. She’s quite courageous because she shares it with us. She explains situations she got herself into that were not black or white. You know, the messy ones we all have to plod through.
A significant portion of the book is dedicated to explaining her stance on Vietnam. Hanoi Jane was hated by a lot of people because of her criticism of the war. She was viewed as unpatriotic. In her book, she attempts -at length- to set the record straight.
She had a lot of regrets with how she handled things that she needed to work out in those pages. Personally, this section was too long.
Jane married three times, which seems like a lot, but not unusual for a Hollywood type. I've been married twice now, which isn't far from three, so I gave her a pass here. She explains what attracted her to each of her husbands, as well as the eventual demise of the relationship.
She said, "I thought Vadim (Roger Vadim, her first husband) would stop wanting threesomes once we got married and had a child."Â
Oh, Jane…
Why would a beautiful, young, rich actress who has everything going for her, think she had to have threesomes to keep her man? She could have had anyone, yet she chose someone incapable of committing to just her.
Husband number two, Tom Hayden, cheated on her, as did number three, Ted Turner.
She doesn’t blame the exes like you’d expect. She explains how her male relationships were impacted by the one she had with her dad. Her stories supported her six-decade pattern of pleasing the person she was with, instead of herself.
Six decades is a long time. I’m the same age Jane was when she wrote her story.
Are you a people pleaser, too? My hand is raised.
I tried to please my parents (never could).
It’s great to look back at old patterns with the intention of learning.
Now is the perfect time because of all the wisdom you’ve earned. Have you considered writing a memoir? What are your biggest lessons?
How can you make your last act the best?
"I don't want to get to the end of my life and find that I just lived the length of it. I want to live the width of it as well."Â Dianne AckermanÂ