The line that really stuck with me was, 'We've all felt the sting of exclusion. We know better.' It's a powerful reminder that we all carry wounds from the past, and those experiences should make us more compassionate, not less. Let's strive to create a world where everyone feels like they belong.
It sounds like you encountered some people who take themselves and the game much too seriously. I have always viewed competitive sports with mixed emotions. It can certainly help build character and teach kids "teamwork" - which is essential for success and good camaraderie.
But...it can also bring out some ugliness and cruelty. Just watch the crowd at a football or "soccer" game.
I was the kid who was always was picked last for the pick up baseball game. Could it have been the clunky leather and metal brace on my polio leg? As I watch our grandsons excel at soccer, I applaud with praise. But I am afraid I can't overlook the ugliness in passionate competitiveness that seems to bubble up. My son in law screams at the kids as they make mistakes. Doesn't he see how the coaches and fellow parents look at him? I could go on...
And speaking of competition, doesn't this current political race prove my point? Some rise to higher levels in the heat of the game. VP Kamala Harris certainly did last night. One of the finest speeches I have heard in years. And then there is...
Thanks for the diversion. We need it. I wish I believed in prayer. Maybe I'll give it shot...can't hurt, right?
I was also the last picked, Bill. I didn' have a brace on my leg, but was a run-of-the-mill klutz. My parents did not cultivate athletic ability. I wished I had gotten some more physical activity as a kid, to at least learn about teamwork. My kids, and most especially my son, were involved in sports, and overall it was a good experience. There were, as you say, parents that went overboard as coaches and in the stands. I like how you drew the parallels between sports and the current political environment. I don't know about prayer either anymore, but only that I like to keep vibin' high.
Ilona...I admire your determination. As I was reading your newsletter, I knew I, myself, would've quit. It astounds me that people don't seem to remember their own days as "beginners." You showed emotional intelligence, (EI) while the other player did not. EI is a better predictor of success than cognitive intelligence. You have both!
Thanks! I only have become more resilient and gritty as I've gotten older. Maybe that's a sign of EI, but I only know that I'm not going to let that dumbass ruin my experience of the sport.
Ilona, your piece really struck a chord with me. I, too, remember feeling that sting of exclusion on those same courts growing up. You’ve captured so beautifully the courage it takes to keep showing up, the quiet joy in connecting with others, and how one kind person like Mike can change everything. Thank you for writing this—it’s a reminder of how much better things can feel when we remember to look out for each other.
Thank you for reading this, and taking the time to comment. Since you're from the area, I'll clue you in--this happened in Toms River. But I have a similar story here at the park with the league. I agree that we should look out for each other, and playing with newer players teaches its own lessons. I remember playing with a really good player who was so kind and encouraging, and how that alters how I view her in the best way possible.
When I was in inpatient detox/rehab for alcoholism and addiction forty-one years ago, the hospital had a pickleball court. Other than a parcourse fitness circuit around the outside of the grounds, that was the only physical activity we got. The rest of the time was about lectures, groups, therapy, support group meetings.I felt they offered pickleball because it was fairly easy and we drunks and addicts weren't likely to hurt ourselves. Although I've never played again, I had fun. What you experienced, Ilona, sounds awful! I hope by now you've found supportive players to hang out with, and that your sweet resiliency has earned you points more important than who wins on the local courts.
I'm partial to yoga too, for the past sixteen years or so an almost daily practice thanks to my high school and lifelong friend Julie Gudmestad. I got into it for severe scoliosis but as I'm sure you understand, found that yoga also addresses serenity, strength, balance, flexibility, and meditation. Yeah, the founders of the rehab I went to - Dr. James Milam and Dorris Milam, created an awesome program. I was so lucky to benefit from that.
You are friends with Julie Gudmestad? I'm a great fan of hers. I went to her yoga weekend conference a year or so before the pandemic in Chicago. I've listened to hours of her training through Yoga U. She's an excellent teacher. I wanted to go to another one of her workshops in Oregon, but then COVID. Do you live near her?
Yes, I know Julie very well! We went to high school together. She was one of the top ten students of a large senior class. She took carloads of us to yoga classes in Seattle. She lives in Portland and I live on the Olympic Peninsula, but we've stayed in touch. She saved me when we were hiking one day maybe sixteen years ago, and she said, "Um, can I say something about your back?" I'd always had scoliosis, but she noticed it was twisting me. She taught me a few asana and eventually during visits here and to Portland an entire daily practice. She is a gift to the world.
She is! I’m not surprised that she was in the top ten. I only watched her videos for years, and then when I went to her live workshop in Chicago, I found out about her sense of humor. Glad she helped you with the scolios.
Ilona, your story captures something so relatable it stings: the awkward dance between our eagerness to learn and the gatekeeping that can sap joy from any new pursuit. Mike’s vision of an inclusive pickleball community feels like a love letter to the better angels of our nature—his kind of leadership is a reminder that kindness is a skill, too, one we can all practice.
I’ve been in your shoes, nervously stepping into a new hobby only to feel like an unwelcome guest at a party I was invited to. The resilience you showed in brushing off negativity and finding joy with your fellow beginners resonates deeply. Have you noticed how the most patient and encouraging players often leave the strongest impact, even years later?
Thank you for sharing this slice of humanity—it’s as much about the game as it is about how we show up for one another.
Thanks, Kuriakin! I'm glad I worked through it, too, because I enjoy the game, and I have met so many fun people. Yes, I agree the patient and encouraging players leave a long-lasting impact. Thanks for reading and commenting.
Why is this such a behavior trend for what I call "tennis with a whiffle ball"?? I'm not making fun of people who play. I'm saying that about the ones who ruin it for others. Like, "why are you so serious about yourself? You're playing tennis with a whiffle ball."
It's always publicized as fun and inclusive but the actual people who are on the courts, a lot of them are overly serious, elitist, and exclusive. I tried to play and never even made it to the step of holding a pickleball racket in my hand because the people were so offputting about me needing to learn to play.
Good luck! I hope you keep at it and keep improving!
Thanks, Carly, for putting it all in perpsective: tennis with a whiffle ball! 🤣 For me, it's all about the people who make it fun. I'm with a silly group of friends now, so it's a joy to play.
Well, the immature jerk I had to deal with was in middle school.
She was a Queen Bee named Nina Feinberg. Based on the views of her "sophisticated" older sister, she told her Coven what music to listen to, clothing to wear, makeup to choose, how to kiss boyfriends, and which human bugs to squash.
I was the chief bug.
She went on to a chi-chi Quaker high school down the block from my public high school, and I never saw her again, after that.
However, after that, she became the Executive Producer of "The Golden Girls." Now she has a wall full of Emmy Awards, and, presumably, a ranch near LA, a stable full of thoroughbred horses, a beard for a husband, 2.5 human fashion accessories to flaunt at her "joyous life" interviews for People magazine (but were raised by an English nanny), a closet full of Vera Wang gowns for red carpet events, and a personal trainer named Ramu to ride.
I don't know about that, Kiwi. Do you believe in karma? Outward success does not always equate to a happy life, especially if Nina is as malevolent as you say. The rule of the universe is that you get back what you put out. Of course, I had to look Nina up. Your comment reminds me that the many masks that we come across, and if I met her casually I would never know what kind of jerk she was.
I don’t believe in karma…the outcome of the Presidential election is proof that it does not exist.
I’m sure nobody — except maybe her personal assistants, who likely suffer at her hands — knows what a jerk she was as a kid.
In truth, she may have even evolved out of that. Perhaps she met a harsh boss on the way up. Or in her chi-chi Quaker High School, the seniors and juniors ganged up on her. I’ll never know.
I love this! It makes me laugh when I come across people my age who are still in high school.
Exactly! Great way to put it.
The line that really stuck with me was, 'We've all felt the sting of exclusion. We know better.' It's a powerful reminder that we all carry wounds from the past, and those experiences should make us more compassionate, not less. Let's strive to create a world where everyone feels like they belong.
Yes, agree! It's not easy, as we can see in the U.S. political environment, but we must do better.
It sounds like you encountered some people who take themselves and the game much too seriously. I have always viewed competitive sports with mixed emotions. It can certainly help build character and teach kids "teamwork" - which is essential for success and good camaraderie.
But...it can also bring out some ugliness and cruelty. Just watch the crowd at a football or "soccer" game.
I was the kid who was always was picked last for the pick up baseball game. Could it have been the clunky leather and metal brace on my polio leg? As I watch our grandsons excel at soccer, I applaud with praise. But I am afraid I can't overlook the ugliness in passionate competitiveness that seems to bubble up. My son in law screams at the kids as they make mistakes. Doesn't he see how the coaches and fellow parents look at him? I could go on...
And speaking of competition, doesn't this current political race prove my point? Some rise to higher levels in the heat of the game. VP Kamala Harris certainly did last night. One of the finest speeches I have heard in years. And then there is...
Thanks for the diversion. We need it. I wish I believed in prayer. Maybe I'll give it shot...can't hurt, right?
I was also the last picked, Bill. I didn' have a brace on my leg, but was a run-of-the-mill klutz. My parents did not cultivate athletic ability. I wished I had gotten some more physical activity as a kid, to at least learn about teamwork. My kids, and most especially my son, were involved in sports, and overall it was a good experience. There were, as you say, parents that went overboard as coaches and in the stands. I like how you drew the parallels between sports and the current political environment. I don't know about prayer either anymore, but only that I like to keep vibin' high.
Ilona...I admire your determination. As I was reading your newsletter, I knew I, myself, would've quit. It astounds me that people don't seem to remember their own days as "beginners." You showed emotional intelligence, (EI) while the other player did not. EI is a better predictor of success than cognitive intelligence. You have both!
Thanks! I only have become more resilient and gritty as I've gotten older. Maybe that's a sign of EI, but I only know that I'm not going to let that dumbass ruin my experience of the sport.
Amen, sister!
Ilona, your piece really struck a chord with me. I, too, remember feeling that sting of exclusion on those same courts growing up. You’ve captured so beautifully the courage it takes to keep showing up, the quiet joy in connecting with others, and how one kind person like Mike can change everything. Thank you for writing this—it’s a reminder of how much better things can feel when we remember to look out for each other.
Thank you for reading this, and taking the time to comment. Since you're from the area, I'll clue you in--this happened in Toms River. But I have a similar story here at the park with the league. I agree that we should look out for each other, and playing with newer players teaches its own lessons. I remember playing with a really good player who was so kind and encouraging, and how that alters how I view her in the best way possible.
When I was in inpatient detox/rehab for alcoholism and addiction forty-one years ago, the hospital had a pickleball court. Other than a parcourse fitness circuit around the outside of the grounds, that was the only physical activity we got. The rest of the time was about lectures, groups, therapy, support group meetings.I felt they offered pickleball because it was fairly easy and we drunks and addicts weren't likely to hurt ourselves. Although I've never played again, I had fun. What you experienced, Ilona, sounds awful! I hope by now you've found supportive players to hang out with, and that your sweet resiliency has earned you points more important than who wins on the local courts.
It's just a game, right? I also thinkk, even though I'm partial to yoga, that pickleball is a good game for people in recovery. What a great idea!
I'm partial to yoga too, for the past sixteen years or so an almost daily practice thanks to my high school and lifelong friend Julie Gudmestad. I got into it for severe scoliosis but as I'm sure you understand, found that yoga also addresses serenity, strength, balance, flexibility, and meditation. Yeah, the founders of the rehab I went to - Dr. James Milam and Dorris Milam, created an awesome program. I was so lucky to benefit from that.
You are friends with Julie Gudmestad? I'm a great fan of hers. I went to her yoga weekend conference a year or so before the pandemic in Chicago. I've listened to hours of her training through Yoga U. She's an excellent teacher. I wanted to go to another one of her workshops in Oregon, but then COVID. Do you live near her?
Yes, I know Julie very well! We went to high school together. She was one of the top ten students of a large senior class. She took carloads of us to yoga classes in Seattle. She lives in Portland and I live on the Olympic Peninsula, but we've stayed in touch. She saved me when we were hiking one day maybe sixteen years ago, and she said, "Um, can I say something about your back?" I'd always had scoliosis, but she noticed it was twisting me. She taught me a few asana and eventually during visits here and to Portland an entire daily practice. She is a gift to the world.
She is! I’m not surprised that she was in the top ten. I only watched her videos for years, and then when I went to her live workshop in Chicago, I found out about her sense of humor. Glad she helped you with the scolios.
Ilona, your story captures something so relatable it stings: the awkward dance between our eagerness to learn and the gatekeeping that can sap joy from any new pursuit. Mike’s vision of an inclusive pickleball community feels like a love letter to the better angels of our nature—his kind of leadership is a reminder that kindness is a skill, too, one we can all practice.
I’ve been in your shoes, nervously stepping into a new hobby only to feel like an unwelcome guest at a party I was invited to. The resilience you showed in brushing off negativity and finding joy with your fellow beginners resonates deeply. Have you noticed how the most patient and encouraging players often leave the strongest impact, even years later?
Thank you for sharing this slice of humanity—it’s as much about the game as it is about how we show up for one another.
Thanks, Kuriakin! I'm glad I worked through it, too, because I enjoy the game, and I have met so many fun people. Yes, I agree the patient and encouraging players leave a long-lasting impact. Thanks for reading and commenting.
Why is this such a behavior trend for what I call "tennis with a whiffle ball"?? I'm not making fun of people who play. I'm saying that about the ones who ruin it for others. Like, "why are you so serious about yourself? You're playing tennis with a whiffle ball."
It's always publicized as fun and inclusive but the actual people who are on the courts, a lot of them are overly serious, elitist, and exclusive. I tried to play and never even made it to the step of holding a pickleball racket in my hand because the people were so offputting about me needing to learn to play.
Good luck! I hope you keep at it and keep improving!
Thanks, Carly, for putting it all in perpsective: tennis with a whiffle ball! 🤣 For me, it's all about the people who make it fun. I'm with a silly group of friends now, so it's a joy to play.
Well, the immature jerk I had to deal with was in middle school.
She was a Queen Bee named Nina Feinberg. Based on the views of her "sophisticated" older sister, she told her Coven what music to listen to, clothing to wear, makeup to choose, how to kiss boyfriends, and which human bugs to squash.
I was the chief bug.
She went on to a chi-chi Quaker high school down the block from my public high school, and I never saw her again, after that.
However, after that, she became the Executive Producer of "The Golden Girls." Now she has a wall full of Emmy Awards, and, presumably, a ranch near LA, a stable full of thoroughbred horses, a beard for a husband, 2.5 human fashion accessories to flaunt at her "joyous life" interviews for People magazine (but were raised by an English nanny), a closet full of Vera Wang gowns for red carpet events, and a personal trainer named Ramu to ride.
Crime paid. Handsomely.
I don't know about that, Kiwi. Do you believe in karma? Outward success does not always equate to a happy life, especially if Nina is as malevolent as you say. The rule of the universe is that you get back what you put out. Of course, I had to look Nina up. Your comment reminds me that the many masks that we come across, and if I met her casually I would never know what kind of jerk she was.
I don’t believe in karma…the outcome of the Presidential election is proof that it does not exist.
I’m sure nobody — except maybe her personal assistants, who likely suffer at her hands — knows what a jerk she was as a kid.
In truth, she may have even evolved out of that. Perhaps she met a harsh boss on the way up. Or in her chi-chi Quaker High School, the seniors and juniors ganged up on her. I’ll never know.
I wish I could find out.