You Think You're in Charge of Your Life? That's Cute.

Food, Sleep, Wine, and the Myth of Free Will

Someone left this on my front yard.

Before we dive in—if this piece makes you think, smile, or yell “SAME,” go ahead and tap the heart, leave a comment, or restack it for your favorite overthinkers. Your clicks tell the Substack gods I’m not just shouting into the void (even if I kinda am.)

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Before COVID, I taught yoga to people in recovery from addiction. There, I heard the worst stories of trauma, hunger, violence, and abandonment. Chaos was the baseline. Many had served time, lost families, and cycled through treatment. And yet, so many were thoughtful, gracious, deeply sensitive people who had run out of tools.

Their stories were only slightly different than mine, but made me reexamine my own. For one thing, I loved wine. I was a wine-o teaching yoga to sober people. Yeah, it didn’t make sense, so I decided to quit.

Never thought wine had a hold on me until I tried to stop. It took a few tries, but now, at five years alcohol-free, I finally saw how much mental bandwidth alcohol took. I thought about it, inventoried it, drove to the "right" stores to buy it, stocked it, and gave myself permission to drink it.

I wasn't free. I was well-practiced in making it look like I was.

So I started asking: Do people really choose badly? Or were they never given a real choice to begin with?

I decided to see what experts say about it.

Robert Sapolsky, an American neuroendocrinology researcher, says free will is an illusion and that biology, trauma, and even our ancestors' stress responses shape us.

Daniel Dennett, philosopher and cognitive scientist, takes a more moderate approach, concluding that we evolved just enough awareness to make thoughtful choices, provided we're paying attention.

Either way, once you know that ”free will” is questionable at best, you can't unknow it. And that knowledge becomes powerful if you work with it.

What Does Free Will Look Like in Real Life?

Food

You go to the store for rotisserie chicken and toilet paper. You leave with $148 of snacks and a lasagna the size of a carry-on.

You didn't choose that. Hunger did.

When hunger hormones kick in, your brain shuts off, and you're debating if waffles and ice cream count as dinner.

I realized that hunger was influencing my decisions, so I made a new plan: I shop once a week, stick to the list, and send my husband out for anything I forget. I stay away from the middle aisles and mostly shop the perimeter of the store to avoid processed foods.

It works for me.

My daughter is smart. She orders everything through Amazon Prime and gets her groceries delivered for free. There’s so much less chance of buying unhealthy stuff when you remove yourself from temptation.

We can't change our biology, but we can set ourselves up for success.

Sleep

You think you're choosing to stay up. Nah. That's your circadian rhythm dragging you around like a moody director yelling, "You're not tired, you're wired!" Add wine and a TikTok video on how to pick the best watermelon, and there goes your sleep hygiene.

Now I go to bed and wake up at the same time every day. I abide by the saying “early to bed, early to rise,” and this routine has been paying off, as I wake up feeling rested.

Cutting out the wine also means fewer 3 a.m. wakeups and bathroom visits.

The TikTok videos are still a problem. I'm not perfect, but at least I'm aware there’s more to be done.

Exercise

You say you'll move more. Then you're sucked into your old neighbor's Facebook post bragging about his kid's soccer team. Next, your cousin’s vacation photos, and now you’ve lost an hour of your precious time scrolling.

Your brain wants to conserve energy, but your body thrives on movement. You have to work around the brain because otherwise, you'll fuse to the couch.

Moving enough is a work in progress for me. Since my dog passed away, I’ve been less faithful to my daily walks. Instead, I have two one-year-old grandsons who are increasingly mobile, and they make their Gigi chase after them.

And there are two more grandsons on the way! Woo-hoo! My future looks like it will include all kinds of new exercises. #winning

So What Does This Mean?

Try this little test: Don't think of a pink elephant.

Not one in a tutu.

Not one on roller skates.

Oops—too late. If you can't control what pops into your mind, how exactly are you running your life?

Unless you're actively choosing to go against your programming—your biology, your habits, your environment—you're likely just running the script handed to you.

That's not a failure. That's being human.

Awareness is a start.

When I quit drinking, I didn't gain willpower; I gained space. Space to see what else was shaping me. That awareness started to leak into how I eat, shop, sleep, and move.

If we can make conscious choices, then we need to make them on purpose. That means asking: Is this really what I want? Or was it preloaded like an app I never opened?

And yes, it means stepping outside your routine long enough to hear yourself think.

The Uncomfortable Conclusion

No, you're not in total control. You never were.

However, you can become more aware of the forces that shape you. You can pause and ask, 'What's mine? And what got slipped in when I wasn't looking?’

Everyone has to do this work for themselves. It's easier and more fun when others are doing it too. When you're in a space, surrounded by people who want to live more consciously, it's like the noise clears and your truest self can speak up.

If that sounds appealing… I know a place. Greek island. Hammock. Women choosing consciously. There may be snacks involved. Two spots open, and the last day to sign up is July 31st.

Check it out!

Not a Yoga Retreat: What These Brave Women Are Really Saying Yes To

Make yourself proud today by doing one thing intentionally, not on autopilot. Don’t usually comment? That’s okay. But if this stirred something, say hi. I’m listening.