Disbelief and astonishment are coming for me on Wednesday: my eldest daughter is turning 30.
How can she be that old when I am so young? Or at least that's what I believe about myself. You know, until I look in the mirror and I see my mother's face.
It could be a mirage. How I feel and how I look should be the same, no?
My body is aging, but I am somehow not that.
Except for brief moments, my body has never agreed to my ideas. It has decided that it is its own entity. A being that demands action. If I don't listen, my stomach growls louder. Deprive it of sleep, and my eyes will close anyway.
Aliveness is beyond my control. Without any help from me, my body keeps the heart beating, my lungs filled with air, and everything going.
It is an intelligence with a secret agenda. I don't know how long our union will last, but I know how it ends.
Still, I try to stay on the right side of things. I eat nutritious foods and exercise daily. To orchestrate a good night's rest, I think of ways to outsmart that part of my body that wakes me up at 3 a.m. Things I used to take for granted, like a daily poop, are now very much appreciated.
I get checkups for the parts most likely to misfire. I'm doing all the things.
Yet, my body doesn't seem appreciative. Some of the systems I thought I could count on are running a bit haywire.
Forget bargaining. My body doesn't acknowledge me, the one who makes the green smoothies and doles out the supplements. I have no choice but to go along with its tyranny.
I don't like it.
The hubby and I watched an Amazon Prime documentary called "Val" produced by Val Kilmer and his kids. Val had a passion for cinematography early on. He recorded large swaths of his life on video from childhood to now.
I'll be honest. I have a hard time looking at Val. He is 62 years old and looks much older. Throat cancer has stolen his voice and age his good looks. Despite thinning hair, Val is still there under the hood. His son narrates, and it feels like Val is still talking to us like before.
The wealth generated from his films is gone. That's why he's still signing autographs at Comic-Con for an endless line of fans. His hunched body looks like an alien on its way back to the mothership.
I know it's my destiny, too (and yours).
I never used to care about getting older, but I care now. The compulsion to plan and manage the future takes me only so far. How do you plan for a day you wish would never come?
I lean on my yoga practice to muddle through. It helps to remind me of my true nature and of the gift of the present moment. And on a beautiful birthday wish for my daughter:
May you be at peace,
May your heart remain open.
May you awaken to the light of your own true nature.
May you be healed,
May you be a source of healing for all beings.
Tibetan Buddhist Prayer
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This is the last week for Yoga for a Better Back. This week’s class is Core-ageous. A strong core helps to support the spine.
A new yoga series is coming soon!
Ilona, I loved this piece so much. You are an incredible writer. Thanks for sharing your newsletter link on Linkedin. Happy to share this journey with you. I see many similarities between us. So glad to have found a new friend.❤️
Ilona, I loved this piece so much. You are an incredible writer. Thanks for sharing your newsletter link on Linkedin. Happy to share this journey with you. I see many similarities between us. So glad to have found a new friend.❤️