Such a sad story. It made me wonder how Cindy is today. I worked at a child and adolescent mental health center for a couple of years and saw lots of children who had been removed from their homes. It was very hard work. Often the foster parents or grandparents were at a complete loss. I'm looking forward to your memoir Ilona.
I appreciate that you said others were at a complete loss, too. Child abuse is devastating, and its impact is far-reaching in space and time. I hope she's ok. Thanks for the vote of confidence for my memoir.
There is something that happens called Reactive Attachment Disorder. These kids cannot be treated like children who have not experienced trauma and when parents unwittingly foster or adopt them without training it usually does not work out well at all.
Interesting. A friend asked me if we got along. I don't ever remember any kind of bond with her. I think she was unavailable for play or any type of relationship because of what happened to her.
Oh, I wanted to hear the end of the story- I was hooked! I guess I’ll have to wait for the next installment. Fostering is such a hard thing for both the child and family.
Ilona, this story touched me deeply. The juxtaposition of Cynthia's innocence with the harsh reality she faced is heartbreaking. It's a stark reminder that the world can be cruel, especially to those most vulnerable. Your honesty about your own feelings—the fear and uncertainty—is raw and relatable. It's a testament to your parents' compassion that they opened their home to Cynthia, even without knowing how to navigate the complexities of her trauma. It's a difficult path, but one filled with love. Your story reminds us that even in the face of darkness, there's always room for compassion and hope.
My parents wanted to help, and their hearts were in the right place, but they were very simplistic about the level of care it would involve. Of course, that was a time when no one spoke about the effects of trauma. My parents had endured much during WWII In Germany, and they had their own issues. You just had to keep going. But poor Cynthia was dealt a raw deal. No child should have to go through what she went through.
Thanks for sharing this piece of your memoir, Ilona. It's weird how the child was so familiar with your mother, wanting to call her Mommy. I learned the hard way as a foster mom that this instant "bonding" is actually a "bad" sign. A child with her own loving family doesn't leap into the arms of strangers. Taking in children who suffered severe abuse leaves its own scars, and I can't imagine how you as such a young child could process any of this. I hope you post more for us.
Yes, it was definitely a bad sign. It's only from writing my memoir that I am allowing myself to process and acknowledge what it was like to have this poor little girl in our house.
Isn't it weird that stuff we sort of took for granted in our childhood, because we had no choice, looms up later in life? Writing is such an amazing way to access and record it!
Oh, Ilona, how heartbreaking for you and Cindy. I wonder what motivated your parents to foster, especially since they had no prior training. The photos are priceless.
First, I think they wanted a sibling for me. Second, they were clueless about how to handle a child with emotional issues. Since I was such a good, easy kid to raise, they thought they could use their brand of German tough love and fix everything. This was back in the 70s when Catholic Social Services moved children from orphanages to community homes. There probably wasn't data on how to do this successfully.
Such a sad story. It made me wonder how Cindy is today. I worked at a child and adolescent mental health center for a couple of years and saw lots of children who had been removed from their homes. It was very hard work. Often the foster parents or grandparents were at a complete loss. I'm looking forward to your memoir Ilona.
I appreciate that you said others were at a complete loss, too. Child abuse is devastating, and its impact is far-reaching in space and time. I hope she's ok. Thanks for the vote of confidence for my memoir.
There is something that happens called Reactive Attachment Disorder. These kids cannot be treated like children who have not experienced trauma and when parents unwittingly foster or adopt them without training it usually does not work out well at all.
Interesting. A friend asked me if we got along. I don't ever remember any kind of bond with her. I think she was unavailable for play or any type of relationship because of what happened to her.
That is highly likely. So sad, Ilona!
Hello 👋
Hello 👋
Oh, I wanted to hear the end of the story- I was hooked! I guess I’ll have to wait for the next installment. Fostering is such a hard thing for both the child and family.
I give so much credit to those families that volunteer for this. It's heart-breaking work but so necessary.
Ilona, this story touched me deeply. The juxtaposition of Cynthia's innocence with the harsh reality she faced is heartbreaking. It's a stark reminder that the world can be cruel, especially to those most vulnerable. Your honesty about your own feelings—the fear and uncertainty—is raw and relatable. It's a testament to your parents' compassion that they opened their home to Cynthia, even without knowing how to navigate the complexities of her trauma. It's a difficult path, but one filled with love. Your story reminds us that even in the face of darkness, there's always room for compassion and hope.
My parents wanted to help, and their hearts were in the right place, but they were very simplistic about the level of care it would involve. Of course, that was a time when no one spoke about the effects of trauma. My parents had endured much during WWII In Germany, and they had their own issues. You just had to keep going. But poor Cynthia was dealt a raw deal. No child should have to go through what she went through.
Thanks for sharing this piece of your memoir, Ilona. It's weird how the child was so familiar with your mother, wanting to call her Mommy. I learned the hard way as a foster mom that this instant "bonding" is actually a "bad" sign. A child with her own loving family doesn't leap into the arms of strangers. Taking in children who suffered severe abuse leaves its own scars, and I can't imagine how you as such a young child could process any of this. I hope you post more for us.
Yes, it was definitely a bad sign. It's only from writing my memoir that I am allowing myself to process and acknowledge what it was like to have this poor little girl in our house.
Isn't it weird that stuff we sort of took for granted in our childhood, because we had no choice, looms up later in life? Writing is such an amazing way to access and record it!
I’d love to hear more about this little girl. And how she fared in your family. And how she moved on ….
I hope you’ll write some more.
Yes, I'm working on the next chapter. Thanks for reading :)
Oh, Ilona, how heartbreaking for you and Cindy. I wonder what motivated your parents to foster, especially since they had no prior training. The photos are priceless.
First, I think they wanted a sibling for me. Second, they were clueless about how to handle a child with emotional issues. Since I was such a good, easy kid to raise, they thought they could use their brand of German tough love and fix everything. This was back in the 70s when Catholic Social Services moved children from orphanages to community homes. There probably wasn't data on how to do this successfully.
Ah yes, Catholic Social Services-makes sense. I imagine your folks were heartbroken too, how it was so much more than they hoped for.
I enjoy your writing Ilona, and appreciate your thoughts about life, even those hard to imagine. ❤️ Laurie
Thank you so much, Laurie. I appreciate your support.
Ilona Goanos: My God, what poignant, deep-reaching experiences, so lovingly, so movingly expressed here and in your earlier poem (crossreferenced).
Unforgettable.
You are truly, deeply a beautiful person able to give unfathomable love to a child.
Your loved ones are blessed around you.
Thank you, thank you, thank you so very much for sharing.
Thanks, Armand. You are so very kind.