Ilona, you are so brave to share your story, and everyone who reads it will take their own learnings. To me it's about understanding the difference between pain and suffering. Every human must endure pain in this life, but it's our response to it that results in the suffering. We have the choice to address our suffering either by changing the cause of the pain, or if we cannot then by learning a path of acceptance. In your case you were able to make the needed changes in your life and had the courage to do so. I'm so happy for you, and so inspired.
Thanks for that, Kathy. I think I saw suffering as normal because Catholicism is so focused on the beating, crown of thorns, and crucifixion of Christ. He accepted it, and didn't fight back. It was a lot of mixed messaging for me.
I also think that our culture tells women suffering is normal, and that we should remain loyal no matter what. The burden of Catholic guilt topping that off, makes your story even more powerful.
I love this line: "Our love still had a heartbeat, and it was very much alive." Also the priest saying "It's not a sin." I'm so glad you decided to tell your story. As someone who's practiced yoga almost daily for around fifteen years thanks to my high school friend and yogi Julie, who became famous as a yogi/physical therapist worldwide, I'd love to hear about how yoga works in your life too. And how very cool that you've been married to Larry for over a dozen years. I'd also like to hear how your daughters expressed that they knew your marriage/family was "fake." And yet it seems they were devastated when the marriage broke up? See, you tell a good story and I want to know more!
Thanks for taking the time to read all of my posts! I would describe the situation as complex and that my kids grieved and they felt relieved, as well as happy that I was happy. It takes so much out of me to write the stories. Yesterday I cried a lot after hitting publish, and thought "why do I do this to myself?" But maybe it will help someone else is as good a reason as any.
This newsletter started out as a yoga newsletter, but I felt like I wasn't an expert in yoga at a moment when I was overwhelmed and awed at how much I didn't know about its vastness, despite teaching and having many hours of training. So I renamed the newsletter to its current name. But I am definitely writing through the yoga philosophy lens because that is where I landed after leaving the church.
Oh my gosh, Ilona, my heart aches for you. I have another friend who I know now, was also going thru a very painful marriage that manifested in similar physical side effects. I wish I had known you better then - we lived soooo close yet our paths didn’t cross. I grew up in NJ , went to Catholic school etc, yet the teaching that I grew up with was far more liberal than the Philadelphia archdiocese - it always amazed me. I am so glad that you and Larry found your way back to each other.
I think it was my desire to correct course early on that led me to a more strict interpretation of Catholicism. None of my friends were in it as deep as me. So it was more of self-inflicted torture - LOL. I'm glad you're in my life now :)
Ilona, you are so brave to share your story, and everyone who reads it will take their own learnings. To me it's about understanding the difference between pain and suffering. Every human must endure pain in this life, but it's our response to it that results in the suffering. We have the choice to address our suffering either by changing the cause of the pain, or if we cannot then by learning a path of acceptance. In your case you were able to make the needed changes in your life and had the courage to do so. I'm so happy for you, and so inspired.
Thanks for that, Kathy. I think I saw suffering as normal because Catholicism is so focused on the beating, crown of thorns, and crucifixion of Christ. He accepted it, and didn't fight back. It was a lot of mixed messaging for me.
I also think that our culture tells women suffering is normal, and that we should remain loyal no matter what. The burden of Catholic guilt topping that off, makes your story even more powerful.
I love this line: "Our love still had a heartbeat, and it was very much alive." Also the priest saying "It's not a sin." I'm so glad you decided to tell your story. As someone who's practiced yoga almost daily for around fifteen years thanks to my high school friend and yogi Julie, who became famous as a yogi/physical therapist worldwide, I'd love to hear about how yoga works in your life too. And how very cool that you've been married to Larry for over a dozen years. I'd also like to hear how your daughters expressed that they knew your marriage/family was "fake." And yet it seems they were devastated when the marriage broke up? See, you tell a good story and I want to know more!
Thanks for taking the time to read all of my posts! I would describe the situation as complex and that my kids grieved and they felt relieved, as well as happy that I was happy. It takes so much out of me to write the stories. Yesterday I cried a lot after hitting publish, and thought "why do I do this to myself?" But maybe it will help someone else is as good a reason as any.
This newsletter started out as a yoga newsletter, but I felt like I wasn't an expert in yoga at a moment when I was overwhelmed and awed at how much I didn't know about its vastness, despite teaching and having many hours of training. So I renamed the newsletter to its current name. But I am definitely writing through the yoga philosophy lens because that is where I landed after leaving the church.
Oh my gosh, Ilona, my heart aches for you. I have another friend who I know now, was also going thru a very painful marriage that manifested in similar physical side effects. I wish I had known you better then - we lived soooo close yet our paths didn’t cross. I grew up in NJ , went to Catholic school etc, yet the teaching that I grew up with was far more liberal than the Philadelphia archdiocese - it always amazed me. I am so glad that you and Larry found your way back to each other.
I think it was my desire to correct course early on that led me to a more strict interpretation of Catholicism. None of my friends were in it as deep as me. So it was more of self-inflicted torture - LOL. I'm glad you're in my life now :)