I'd like to join on the 26th as well. Loved the humor in your voice, in your words about your voice, about discovering yourself anew in learning to tolerate and open, then open some more your delectable voice that has so much wisdom and experience. Just two of the many lines that truly brought me in, more and more.
1. Now I was learning to be at peace with my voice out in the world, not in a “love yourself” poster way, more like making friends with a neighbor I’d spent years side-eyeing.
2. Turns out my voice responds well to joy and poorly to my inner corporate compliance officer.
What surprised me is how much this felt like a piece about listening, not sounding good. Listening to your ribs, your breath, your jaw, the moment your body says yes or no. Listening to yourself without rushing in to correct or evaluate.
It made me wonder if singing lessons are secretly a practice in restraint. In not interrupting yourself. In letting a note finish, even if it wobbles. That feels radical in a culture that rewards quick fixes and confident delivery. Your willingness to stay with the wobble felt like the quiet heart of this piece. Beautiful 🧡
Dr. A, you just articulated something I felt but couldn't quite name. YES - it's about listening without rushing to fix. Not interrupting yourself. That's EXACTLY it.
The willingness to stay with the wobble.
I'm going to carry that phrase with me. Because that's what I've spent a lifetime not doing. The wobble was the signal to stop, to apologize, to course-correct immediately.
Chris taught me that the wobble is information, not failure. And sometimes the note that wobbles is the one with the most truth in it.
This is great Ilona! I too have always believed that I can't sing. (Except for in the car, of course, where I am Pat Benatar). I've always wondered if it was something that I could learn. Congratultations to you for acting on it. I hope to join you on Monday.
Sue!!!! Car Pat Benatar is legit - that counts! And yes, it IS something you can learn. That's the whole point. The voice you have is the voice you're supposed to have. You just learn to use it without apology.
Can't wait to see you Monday at 10am ET. Come with your questions - Chris is wonderful at making this feel accessible and fun rather than intimidating.
I have hated the sound of my voice for years. Low and gravelly as an adult - I have always attributed it to years of smoking before I had the sense to quit. While it may have helped me in my career (deep voiced women seem to be more credible, unfortunately), I never liked it. Funny thing though, as a teen and twenty something, I could sing half way decently - did church choir, sang for fun with various musicians I dated during THAT phase of my life… Don’t even remember when I stopped.
I would love voice lessons. And I have always assumed I am not artistic or creative at all and never really explored it other than a drawing class I took right after I retired. And I was surprised I could learn to draw something recognizable but never followed through, possibly due to an aversion of having to be anywhere at a specific place and time every week that I developed immediately upon retiring….
Donna, this is everything. The voice you 'hated' got you credibility in your career - what a complicated gift, right? And you SANG. You were in choirs, you sang with musicians. Then you just... stopped. And don't remember when.
That forgetting - that's what breaks my heart. We stop doing things that brought us joy and we can't even pinpoint the moment we gave them up.
Here's what I'm hearing: You want voice lessons. You also don't want to be committed to showing up somewhere at a specific time every week. I GET that post-retirement feeling. The freedom is intoxicating!
But what if that's the second arrow? The real barrier isn't the scheduling - it's the fear of starting something and being disappointed in yourself.
What if you did ONE lesson with Chris? Just to see? No commitment beyond that. If you hate it, you're out an hour. If you love it, you can decide if you want more.
Thank you! I may take you up on the intro once I am somewhere where a voice lesson would not disturb the peace (neither my condo or the boat qualifies). Perhaps in June when I am back in RI. I’m very curious about it. I should clarify the singing thing with boyfriends was usually at parties or harmony kind of stuff - certainly nothing professional or even center of attention. But I could at least carry a tune back then.
You definitely need a "safe" space to do a voice class. If you're not relaxed, and trust me, I know, your voice will notice and be tense. Looking forward to seeing you on Monday ❤️
As someone who has been told by teachers, family and friends that I am “tone deaf” and can’t carry a tune, I am in awe. I sing anyway, because I enjoy it, although only when alone and loudly. I will be there Monday at 10!
'I sing anyway, because I enjoy it.' Jan, you already understand the assignment. The fact that you do it alone and loudly is perfect. Monday you get to hear from someone who believes everyone can sing. Can't wait to see you there!
You got me thinking about some things I've always told myself I can't do, or I'm terrible at. My dad had an amazing voice and sang with a local big band in his later years, just for fun. And my son is an artist. Where are those bonus creative genes, I ask myself?
I've said it before, Ilona, you're inspiring and make me smile!
Here's what I'm hearing, dear Paulette: You're surrounded by creative people and you've decided that means the creativity skipped you. But what if it didn't? What if you just never tried because the bar looked too high?
Your dad didn't start singing with a big band on day one. Your son wasn't born knowing how to make art. They practiced. They sucked at first. They kept going.
What's ONE thing you've told yourself you can't do that you'd secretly love to try?
PS(Writing a Substack is you exercising your CREATIVITY. Those words are coming from you.)
This is fantastic! So many beautiful lessons to be learned about self and voice through singing. Many applications for experiencing and living life. Thanks for sharing this new adventure.
This is brilliant. I love personal growth. You are impressive in your openness and personal honesty. This is actually inspiring.
But I think I will be less ambitious. At least for now. If I were to sing now, my wife and my dog would be terrified. And I love them too much to do that.... :)
But your willingness to change and grow has left its mark on me. Thanks!
Bill, thank you. And honestly? The dog's opinion is valid. My neighbor's goldens were very concerned at first too. But 'less ambitious' caught my attention - what IS calling to you right now, even in a small way?
What's calling me? Moving to a more Zen existence. Less doing, more not doing. Learning how to step back and let others fill the void. I'm getting there. It's around the corner. Soon...
That doesn't mean abandoning helping or assisting. It means letting others do more heavy lifting. I have tended to jump in. Time to step back a bit.
I adored reading this Ilona! For so many reasons, I have had a similar relationship to my voice and to singing (maybe we all do to a certain extent) and this was a lovely reflection of courage, growth, and connection. Thank you!
This is amazing, Ilona! I’m in awe of your bravery, although I seriously doubt that you don’t have a good voice. I’m embarrassed to open my mouth, I know what will come out, so I’ll vicariously “sing” through you. Thanks for sharing this, you’ve given everyone’s courage a boost!
Thank you, Keith. Your encouragement means a lot. And honestly? Living vicariously counts. Sometimes witnessing someone else do the scary thing is exactly what we need.
I'm glad this could give you a little boost, wherever you are in your own journey.
“…wherever you are in your journey.” That’s always something I reflect on. I can only imagine how difficult it is for people to know where they are, but does it matter? I’ve come to think of “journey” as too many strung-together moments and now prefer to enjoy the moment at hand and go from there.
I was talking to my therapist a few days ago. About halfway into the session I said to her, “I’m 71 years old and I’m just now really embarking on significant healing. Does that seem pathetic?” She looked at me incredulously, “You think age has anything to do with it? Do you think having not started this journey until a few years ago is pathetic? The fact you’ve never given up, trying to find that one first real step on the path to healing, is very unusual, ESPECIALLY at your age. Just live your better life you have now. That’s all you have to do.” I have to admit, that made me tear up a bit. Of course, she’s right and I’m trying to better appreciate my own efforts and how those efforts have afforded me these better moments I have now. And the icing on the cake is if I can help just one other person by sharing my experiences, then my pain becomes something of real value.
So glad you want to join us! Chris and I are going live Monday at 10am ET. You don't need to sign up - just open the Substack app or come to my Substack page at 10am and you'll see the live session pop up at the top. I'll also send an email right when we go live. Looking forward to having you there❤️
Thank you! You know what's funny? I almost didn't publish this because I was worried it was too 'navel-gazing.' But then I thought about all the things I've avoided because I decided I was bad at them. Still working up the courage to try painting. What about you - anything you've been telling yourself you can't do?
Ilona, I loved reading this so much. You did something I always wanted to do. To me, my singing voice is the thing that got left out of the gift box. There are certain singers I'd love to emulate! I want to go to the Zoom. What time zone are you in? When is 10:00 Mountain Time? I'm excited!
Eleanor, thank you! 'Holistic vocal coach' tells me you understand exactly what I'm talking about—that it's never just about the notes, is it? It's about the whole person showing up.
I'd love to read more about it on your Substack. I just subscribed!
I am a firm believer that we can never stop trying new things. Good for you, Ilona! I imagine learning to sing has opened up new emotional outlets and eased tension which translates into more peaceful moments, as we would receive through yoga or meditation. Enjoyed reading!
Candy, I agree: YES to trying new things and not caring whether you're good at it or not. Singing has opened my eyes to notice that my default is to subvert feelings and focus on the technical skills. Singing is a whole body and soul experience.
I love this article! I am good friends with Chris, but have never taken his voice lessons. I enjoyed your heartfelt humorous take on this challenge you so bravely unhook. How do I attend the podcast?
Yay! I’m excited you want to come to our Substack Live. This is my first go at this, but I think Substack will send you an email when we are live. Alternatively, you can open your Substack app or browser and see the live. You might have to navigate to my publication “The Pebble in Your Shoe” if all else fails. FIngers crossed this is easy for you (and me!)
Eastern! I’m thrilled you’re coming💕
I'd like to join on the 26th as well. Loved the humor in your voice, in your words about your voice, about discovering yourself anew in learning to tolerate and open, then open some more your delectable voice that has so much wisdom and experience. Just two of the many lines that truly brought me in, more and more.
1. Now I was learning to be at peace with my voice out in the world, not in a “love yourself” poster way, more like making friends with a neighbor I’d spent years side-eyeing.
2. Turns out my voice responds well to joy and poorly to my inner corporate compliance officer.
What surprised me is how much this felt like a piece about listening, not sounding good. Listening to your ribs, your breath, your jaw, the moment your body says yes or no. Listening to yourself without rushing in to correct or evaluate.
It made me wonder if singing lessons are secretly a practice in restraint. In not interrupting yourself. In letting a note finish, even if it wobbles. That feels radical in a culture that rewards quick fixes and confident delivery. Your willingness to stay with the wobble felt like the quiet heart of this piece. Beautiful 🧡
Dr. A, you just articulated something I felt but couldn't quite name. YES - it's about listening without rushing to fix. Not interrupting yourself. That's EXACTLY it.
The willingness to stay with the wobble.
I'm going to carry that phrase with me. Because that's what I've spent a lifetime not doing. The wobble was the signal to stop, to apologize, to course-correct immediately.
Chris taught me that the wobble is information, not failure. And sometimes the note that wobbles is the one with the most truth in it.
Thank you for seeing this. Really seeing it. 🧡
This is great Ilona! I too have always believed that I can't sing. (Except for in the car, of course, where I am Pat Benatar). I've always wondered if it was something that I could learn. Congratultations to you for acting on it. I hope to join you on Monday.
Sue!!!! Car Pat Benatar is legit - that counts! And yes, it IS something you can learn. That's the whole point. The voice you have is the voice you're supposed to have. You just learn to use it without apology.
Can't wait to see you Monday at 10am ET. Come with your questions - Chris is wonderful at making this feel accessible and fun rather than intimidating.
Oh my I love this so much and I want to do it!
I have hated the sound of my voice for years. Low and gravelly as an adult - I have always attributed it to years of smoking before I had the sense to quit. While it may have helped me in my career (deep voiced women seem to be more credible, unfortunately), I never liked it. Funny thing though, as a teen and twenty something, I could sing half way decently - did church choir, sang for fun with various musicians I dated during THAT phase of my life… Don’t even remember when I stopped.
I would love voice lessons. And I have always assumed I am not artistic or creative at all and never really explored it other than a drawing class I took right after I retired. And I was surprised I could learn to draw something recognizable but never followed through, possibly due to an aversion of having to be anywhere at a specific place and time every week that I developed immediately upon retiring….
Great post, thanks Ilona!
Donna, this is everything. The voice you 'hated' got you credibility in your career - what a complicated gift, right? And you SANG. You were in choirs, you sang with musicians. Then you just... stopped. And don't remember when.
That forgetting - that's what breaks my heart. We stop doing things that brought us joy and we can't even pinpoint the moment we gave them up.
Here's what I'm hearing: You want voice lessons. You also don't want to be committed to showing up somewhere at a specific time every week. I GET that post-retirement feeling. The freedom is intoxicating!
But what if that's the second arrow? The real barrier isn't the scheduling - it's the fear of starting something and being disappointed in yourself.
What if you did ONE lesson with Chris? Just to see? No commitment beyond that. If you hate it, you're out an hour. If you love it, you can decide if you want more.
Want me to introduce you?
Thank you! I may take you up on the intro once I am somewhere where a voice lesson would not disturb the peace (neither my condo or the boat qualifies). Perhaps in June when I am back in RI. I’m very curious about it. I should clarify the singing thing with boyfriends was usually at parties or harmony kind of stuff - certainly nothing professional or even center of attention. But I could at least carry a tune back then.
I’d love to attend the Zoom on the 26th!
You definitely need a "safe" space to do a voice class. If you're not relaxed, and trust me, I know, your voice will notice and be tense. Looking forward to seeing you on Monday ❤️
As someone who has been told by teachers, family and friends that I am “tone deaf” and can’t carry a tune, I am in awe. I sing anyway, because I enjoy it, although only when alone and loudly. I will be there Monday at 10!
'I sing anyway, because I enjoy it.' Jan, you already understand the assignment. The fact that you do it alone and loudly is perfect. Monday you get to hear from someone who believes everyone can sing. Can't wait to see you there!
You got me thinking about some things I've always told myself I can't do, or I'm terrible at. My dad had an amazing voice and sang with a local big band in his later years, just for fun. And my son is an artist. Where are those bonus creative genes, I ask myself?
I've said it before, Ilona, you're inspiring and make me smile!
Here's what I'm hearing, dear Paulette: You're surrounded by creative people and you've decided that means the creativity skipped you. But what if it didn't? What if you just never tried because the bar looked too high?
Your dad didn't start singing with a big band on day one. Your son wasn't born knowing how to make art. They practiced. They sucked at first. They kept going.
What's ONE thing you've told yourself you can't do that you'd secretly love to try?
PS(Writing a Substack is you exercising your CREATIVITY. Those words are coming from you.)
Now, this made me laugh - at myself!
You've given me pause here. I have to think about what that one thing is, and there might be more than one.
This is fantastic! So many beautiful lessons to be learned about self and voice through singing. Many applications for experiencing and living life. Thanks for sharing this new adventure.
Thank you, Michelle! Yes, the metaphor kept revealing itself the more I worked with Chris. It really is about so much more than singing.
This is brilliant. I love personal growth. You are impressive in your openness and personal honesty. This is actually inspiring.
But I think I will be less ambitious. At least for now. If I were to sing now, my wife and my dog would be terrified. And I love them too much to do that.... :)
But your willingness to change and grow has left its mark on me. Thanks!
Bill, thank you. And honestly? The dog's opinion is valid. My neighbor's goldens were very concerned at first too. But 'less ambitious' caught my attention - what IS calling to you right now, even in a small way?
What's calling me? Moving to a more Zen existence. Less doing, more not doing. Learning how to step back and let others fill the void. I'm getting there. It's around the corner. Soon...
That doesn't mean abandoning helping or assisting. It means letting others do more heavy lifting. I have tended to jump in. Time to step back a bit.
Make any sense to you?
I adored reading this Ilona! For so many reasons, I have had a similar relationship to my voice and to singing (maybe we all do to a certain extent) and this was a lovely reflection of courage, growth, and connection. Thank you!
Thank you, Shannon. Coming from someone who's done the work to create an album, this means even more.
This is amazing, Ilona! I’m in awe of your bravery, although I seriously doubt that you don’t have a good voice. I’m embarrassed to open my mouth, I know what will come out, so I’ll vicariously “sing” through you. Thanks for sharing this, you’ve given everyone’s courage a boost!
Thank you, Keith. Your encouragement means a lot. And honestly? Living vicariously counts. Sometimes witnessing someone else do the scary thing is exactly what we need.
I'm glad this could give you a little boost, wherever you are in your own journey.
“…wherever you are in your journey.” That’s always something I reflect on. I can only imagine how difficult it is for people to know where they are, but does it matter? I’ve come to think of “journey” as too many strung-together moments and now prefer to enjoy the moment at hand and go from there.
Be here now.🤍
I was talking to my therapist a few days ago. About halfway into the session I said to her, “I’m 71 years old and I’m just now really embarking on significant healing. Does that seem pathetic?” She looked at me incredulously, “You think age has anything to do with it? Do you think having not started this journey until a few years ago is pathetic? The fact you’ve never given up, trying to find that one first real step on the path to healing, is very unusual, ESPECIALLY at your age. Just live your better life you have now. That’s all you have to do.” I have to admit, that made me tear up a bit. Of course, she’s right and I’m trying to better appreciate my own efforts and how those efforts have afforded me these better moments I have now. And the icing on the cake is if I can help just one other person by sharing my experiences, then my pain becomes something of real value.
What a fun read! I love how you are ever evolving & taking us along for the ride.
How do I sign up for the zoom?
So glad you want to join us! Chris and I are going live Monday at 10am ET. You don't need to sign up - just open the Substack app or come to my Substack page at 10am and you'll see the live session pop up at the top. I'll also send an email right when we go live. Looking forward to having you there❤️
This is so cool! Good for you!!
Thank you! You know what's funny? I almost didn't publish this because I was worried it was too 'navel-gazing.' But then I thought about all the things I've avoided because I decided I was bad at them. Still working up the courage to try painting. What about you - anything you've been telling yourself you can't do?
Oh yes. I tell myself all the time that I can’t sing. 🤣
If this is you navel-gazing, please bring it on in a steady supply.
Ilona, I loved reading this so much. You did something I always wanted to do. To me, my singing voice is the thing that got left out of the gift box. There are certain singers I'd love to emulate! I want to go to the Zoom. What time zone are you in? When is 10:00 Mountain Time? I'm excited!
As a holistic vocal coach- I absolutely love to read this! What a beautiful journey to finding your authentic voice!
Eleanor, thank you! 'Holistic vocal coach' tells me you understand exactly what I'm talking about—that it's never just about the notes, is it? It's about the whole person showing up.
I'd love to read more about it on your Substack. I just subscribed!
100%! Thanks for subscribing! I’ll take a look at your work too!! 🤍✨
I am a firm believer that we can never stop trying new things. Good for you, Ilona! I imagine learning to sing has opened up new emotional outlets and eased tension which translates into more peaceful moments, as we would receive through yoga or meditation. Enjoyed reading!
Candy, I agree: YES to trying new things and not caring whether you're good at it or not. Singing has opened my eyes to notice that my default is to subvert feelings and focus on the technical skills. Singing is a whole body and soul experience.
I love this article! I am good friends with Chris, but have never taken his voice lessons. I enjoyed your heartfelt humorous take on this challenge you so bravely unhook. How do I attend the podcast?
Yay! I’m excited you want to come to our Substack Live. This is my first go at this, but I think Substack will send you an email when we are live. Alternatively, you can open your Substack app or browser and see the live. You might have to navigate to my publication “The Pebble in Your Shoe” if all else fails. FIngers crossed this is easy for you (and me!)