Less Estrogen, More Spice, and Zero Patience for Nonsense
The ‘We Do Not Care Club’—where fewer hormones mean greater wisdom.
Consider this your Club initiation: like, comment, restack, and share it with a friend who’s all out of nice today.
On Instagram, Melani Sanders (@justbeingmelani) has turned the “We Do Not Care Club” into a viral sanctuary for peri- and menopausal women who are done with unnecessary drama, restrictive beauty rules, and other people’s expectations.
Check her out, and oh, please don’t skip the comments. They are pure gold.
I was channeling that Melani energy last month when an irate driver in a pickup truck decided my accidental cut-off was the crime of the century. (Missed it? Read it here.)
Old me, the quiet, demure one, would’ve stayed in the car, hands at ten and two, praying he’d go away. New me? Let’s say I don’t rattle so easily. Life has toughened me up, and menopause has added spice. These days, my patience is abundant for grandkids and scarce for fools.
Sanders’ message lands because it’s not just attitude—it’s biology.
The Science
When perimenopause and menopause arrive, the “keep the peace” hormones pack their bags:
Estrogen (Estradiol): Fine-tunes empathy, boosts oxytocin, smooths over conflict. In menopause, it plummets, taking our “emotional cushioning” with it. (Mine’s not gone, just hiding in the basement underneath the holiday decorations.)
Progesterone: Calms the brain, fuels the nurturing instinct. In menopause, it drops to near zero, as does the urge to “tend-and-befriend.” (I’ll still bake cookies for my grandkids, but the rest of you are out of luck.)
Oxytocin: The bonding hormone. Without estrogen to fuel it, trust and tolerance tend to decline. (Translation: the free hugs program has been discontinued until further notice.)
Cortisol: The stress hormone. Still around, but without estrogen and progesterone to buffer it, stress hits harder. (This is why I issue fair warning: I am fresh out of nice today.)
Net effect: Less “be nice” chemistry + more unfiltered stress = a natural slide into the We Do Not Care Club.
Are you in?
The Wisdom
Estrogen was the seatbelt. Without it, we’re gripping the wheel with Thelma & Louise energy—and honestly, it feels pretty good. After decades of life, we’ve:
Seen the patterns—and can spot nonsense twenty miles away. (We’ve got built-in radar now, no batteries required.)
Done the math—and we know when the emotional return on investment isn’t worth it. (Spoiler: it usually isn’t.)
Mastered the exits—and can walk away without a dissertation. (One eyebrow raise says it all.)
When the chemical compulsion to please fades, what’s left is sharper judgment, faster BS detection, and a newfound freedom to live on our own terms.
The Takeaway
If you’ve felt yourself caring less about things that used to drain your energy, it’s not a personality flaw—it’s a midlife upgrade. Let’s celebrate!
Biology and life experience are conspiring to give you back your time, your mind, and your joy.
As Melani might say, Membership in the We Do Not Care Club is automatic, and there are no dues because we have already paid them in full.
Cheers to not caring!
Can’t get enough of Melani. Here’s another one ⬇️
A lifelong friend used a phrase in a conversation we were having years ago that I've adopted for myself...and the older I get, the more I use it..."People! That's where I draw the line!"
At 20+ years past menopause, I still remember my big ear-to-ear grin when I walk past the sanitary pad/tampon display at the supermarket. “Nope, don’t need those anymore!”