Discussion about this post

User's avatar
Alexander Lovell, PhD's avatar

Ilona, your piece is wonderful, and it made me ponder something I’ve never quite articulated before. We often talk about “closure” in the context of death, but what if closure isn’t about finishing a chapter, but rather about opening a new one? What if our grief isn’t meant to be resolved or completed, but rather integrated into our lives, becoming a part of who we are? What if the goal isn't to “move on,” but to carry the memory of our loved ones with us, allowing it to shape us and influence us in positive ways? Perhaps the most profound act of remembrance isn’t letting go, but learning to hold onto the love and lessons they gave us, even as we navigate life without them. Does grief ever truly end, or does it just evolve into something else?

Expand full comment
Bill Alstrom (MAtoMainetoMA)'s avatar

To each his own. I have two thoughts. When I go over the rainbow bridge to be with the dogs of my past I hope for two things. First, that my remains (ashes) go wherever my wife is. If you can't find her, toss them into the waves off the rocky coast Maine. Or any body of water near you. Composting sounds fascinating, but could be expensive.

Second, no funeral. Nobody should spend a dime on travel or lose a day for my sake. Do something fun or enjoyable instead. Have a party. Make jokes about me. Whatever. Mostly, please don't make a big deal about it.

Move on, do something nice for somebody alive. Adopt a rescue dog! Feed a gold fish. Cook a ribeye steak. Read a book. Enjoy living. I'm gone. So be it. Peace.

Expand full comment
33 more comments...

No posts