It took some growth in therapy to let go of a few toxic friendships. Then it took lots of courage to find the good kind. You're right, it's not easy anymore. I have to continually reach out to keep the friendships alive. Invite them over, invite them out for coffee and pie, attend meetings of the organizations we belong to...even when I'd rather fall asleep in my recliner.
I have also kept a couple toxic friendships much longer than was healthy. Allowing those to die left space and energy for new ones to prosper. I am much choosier about the relationships I keep now.
I often think about the sheer courage it takes to initiate new friendships as an adult. When we're kids, there's an innocent fearlessness to it—you just walk up and say "Wanna be friends?" As adults, there's a vulnerability that comes with putting yourself out there, risking rejection, and navigating the unspoken rules of adult connection. It's almost like starting a new relationship, but without the clear societal scripts.
It is vulnerable to put yourself out there. I have faith in you, Dr. A. You’re a warm friendly presence here on the web and I bet you have many friends. Keep spreading your sunshine!
Well Well well~ this story hits home ! Yes its been lonely here for many years after my chicks flew the nest and moved far away and my mom and sister in law passed away right before covid hit. Grief stricken for many years then YOU my friend reached out and gave me MANY chances to make new friends. Some amazing women put right there in front of me! Such a gift especially knowing YOU Ilona xo ~ but heres the thing. It takes work. And for me I find it hard to be around myself let alone put myself in front of someone who may not get me. It's scary. The more and more I learned to live with myself, travel alone, take day trips with myself...the more of a LONE Wolf I became. Yes friendships help us live longer! Helps me feel alive~ knowing theres someone out there who cares. But more times than not I chose ME, myself and I...because its just, well easier. I have been deeply hurt by some women. Good friends that turn cold because I did not send a text or like their post on IG ~ playground stuff I am not interested in engaging. Social media can also sabotage a relationship. Seeing someone out with someone else at the places you recommend but did not get invited to hurts hard. I learned a lot of growing up in my 50s....but Turning 60 gave me boundaries I never knew I had in me. Yes I love a good cup of tea with someone who knows how to be a friend. Mature enough to see each other and speak truths with thoughtfulness. I am definitely Frankie~ sensitive and emotional. Ill keep to myself to protect you from my tenderness. But I still want to hear what you have to say. I guess I am still learning how to be a friend in this New world.
Well, well, well ,my lady. I'm happy you do all that stuff by yourself, because you get to learn more about Denise that way. She's quite a gal! So many people skipped the step of knowing themselves. That is a solo journey and a valuable one at that.
I should thank you, too, because even though I would have loved to have you in Greece with me right now, you gave me the gift of Jen Santa Maria, who is my co-leader. You deserve full credit for her being in my orbit.
I know you're tender-hearted, and I keep that in mind when I'm with you. Don't hesitate to inform me if I'm like a bull in a china shop. I value our friendship! It feels like winning the lottery!!!!!!!
Thanks for the re-share ;) I haven’t watched the movie, but I’ll put it on the list. I just returned from a travel adventure where I made an effort to look up pals from multiple chapters of my life - high school, college, career 1, career 2 + extended family. I was craving face time and hugs after too much time pretending socials filled the dance card. It was lovely.
In the past year I also started playing - yup - me and it - pickleball. Not an athletic bone in my body. But. I play with new-to-me circle of women who “get each other”, and play with the goals of having fun and staying upright. And, we, as each other’s “board of directors” - we share life, quandaries, stories and other social activities (dinners, movies, music, etc) (You can teach an old dog new tricks!)
I’m grateful for having several gal-pal circles that bring delight and depth and joy and support to my world. You’re on one. I’m blessed and grateful!
Wow thanks Pate! I’m also a pickle baller and play every Friday with a group of ladies who are in it for fun. I love keeping my body moving and we share that in common.
I’m glad you see the value in looking up old friends and in the new.
Lolo, I was just thinking about this. My bffs have always been there for me. But now I feel more appreciative than ever and want to double down on the joy and togetherness. It's a big step for me as I've always been a bit reserved (yes me) always sensitive to seeming overbearing or whatever. But wanting to spend time with friends is a good thing. Thank you for the encouragement.
I know you're a sensitive person, Lolo, by the extent to which you care about our country and the world. I'd like to see you lean on your friends more because you do so much to help here on Substack and in your political endeavors. Your efforts are very much appreciated, and I don't want to see your light burn out. <3
I loved Grace & Frankie! I watched most of the show while living in Costa Rica without really any friends, so I felt so in their company (plus it made me laugh till tears!). Good friends are a blessing for sure!
Yep, friendships need to be nourished through the years and that includes the friendships you can't shake easily-family. Siblings and cousins are my contemporaries who have known me from the beginning. Now that I am +65, I know how to ignore/avoid,/disconnect from the ones who bring only toxic vibes to the table. The rest, thank God, are my besties.
As a lifelong introvert, I find developing friendships in my 60’s much more difficult. Luckily, I have a close-knit family that makes up for the friendships I do not cultivate. I am curious though, how 60-70 year old introverts find friends.
Introverts must come out of the house even if it’s only to go to book club, knitting, church, or any kind of interest. Go regularly even if it’s just to a coffee shop. No one will ever come to your door seeking you out. That’s been my experience.
It took some growth in therapy to let go of a few toxic friendships. Then it took lots of courage to find the good kind. You're right, it's not easy anymore. I have to continually reach out to keep the friendships alive. Invite them over, invite them out for coffee and pie, attend meetings of the organizations we belong to...even when I'd rather fall asleep in my recliner.
I have also kept a couple toxic friendships much longer than was healthy. Allowing those to die left space and energy for new ones to prosper. I am much choosier about the relationships I keep now.
I often think about the sheer courage it takes to initiate new friendships as an adult. When we're kids, there's an innocent fearlessness to it—you just walk up and say "Wanna be friends?" As adults, there's a vulnerability that comes with putting yourself out there, risking rejection, and navigating the unspoken rules of adult connection. It's almost like starting a new relationship, but without the clear societal scripts.
I still suck at it. 😂
It is vulnerable to put yourself out there. I have faith in you, Dr. A. You’re a warm friendly presence here on the web and I bet you have many friends. Keep spreading your sunshine!
I created a solution to this problem 14 years ago when I married my best friend! ❤️
Thanks pal
Well Well well~ this story hits home ! Yes its been lonely here for many years after my chicks flew the nest and moved far away and my mom and sister in law passed away right before covid hit. Grief stricken for many years then YOU my friend reached out and gave me MANY chances to make new friends. Some amazing women put right there in front of me! Such a gift especially knowing YOU Ilona xo ~ but heres the thing. It takes work. And for me I find it hard to be around myself let alone put myself in front of someone who may not get me. It's scary. The more and more I learned to live with myself, travel alone, take day trips with myself...the more of a LONE Wolf I became. Yes friendships help us live longer! Helps me feel alive~ knowing theres someone out there who cares. But more times than not I chose ME, myself and I...because its just, well easier. I have been deeply hurt by some women. Good friends that turn cold because I did not send a text or like their post on IG ~ playground stuff I am not interested in engaging. Social media can also sabotage a relationship. Seeing someone out with someone else at the places you recommend but did not get invited to hurts hard. I learned a lot of growing up in my 50s....but Turning 60 gave me boundaries I never knew I had in me. Yes I love a good cup of tea with someone who knows how to be a friend. Mature enough to see each other and speak truths with thoughtfulness. I am definitely Frankie~ sensitive and emotional. Ill keep to myself to protect you from my tenderness. But I still want to hear what you have to say. I guess I am still learning how to be a friend in this New world.
Well, well, well ,my lady. I'm happy you do all that stuff by yourself, because you get to learn more about Denise that way. She's quite a gal! So many people skipped the step of knowing themselves. That is a solo journey and a valuable one at that.
I should thank you, too, because even though I would have loved to have you in Greece with me right now, you gave me the gift of Jen Santa Maria, who is my co-leader. You deserve full credit for her being in my orbit.
I know you're tender-hearted, and I keep that in mind when I'm with you. Don't hesitate to inform me if I'm like a bull in a china shop. I value our friendship! It feels like winning the lottery!!!!!!!
Thanks for the re-share ;) I haven’t watched the movie, but I’ll put it on the list. I just returned from a travel adventure where I made an effort to look up pals from multiple chapters of my life - high school, college, career 1, career 2 + extended family. I was craving face time and hugs after too much time pretending socials filled the dance card. It was lovely.
In the past year I also started playing - yup - me and it - pickleball. Not an athletic bone in my body. But. I play with new-to-me circle of women who “get each other”, and play with the goals of having fun and staying upright. And, we, as each other’s “board of directors” - we share life, quandaries, stories and other social activities (dinners, movies, music, etc) (You can teach an old dog new tricks!)
I’m grateful for having several gal-pal circles that bring delight and depth and joy and support to my world. You’re on one. I’m blessed and grateful!
Wow thanks Pate! I’m also a pickle baller and play every Friday with a group of ladies who are in it for fun. I love keeping my body moving and we share that in common.
I’m glad you see the value in looking up old friends and in the new.
Lolo, I was just thinking about this. My bffs have always been there for me. But now I feel more appreciative than ever and want to double down on the joy and togetherness. It's a big step for me as I've always been a bit reserved (yes me) always sensitive to seeming overbearing or whatever. But wanting to spend time with friends is a good thing. Thank you for the encouragement.
I know you're a sensitive person, Lolo, by the extent to which you care about our country and the world. I'd like to see you lean on your friends more because you do so much to help here on Substack and in your political endeavors. Your efforts are very much appreciated, and I don't want to see your light burn out. <3
I loved Grace & Frankie! I watched most of the show while living in Costa Rica without really any friends, so I felt so in their company (plus it made me laugh till tears!). Good friends are a blessing for sure!
Yep, friendships need to be nourished through the years and that includes the friendships you can't shake easily-family. Siblings and cousins are my contemporaries who have known me from the beginning. Now that I am +65, I know how to ignore/avoid,/disconnect from the ones who bring only toxic vibes to the table. The rest, thank God, are my besties.
Sounds like you've gained some wisdom at +65. I, too, cleaned house, and it feels so good to focus on relationships that fill me up.
As a lifelong introvert, I find developing friendships in my 60’s much more difficult. Luckily, I have a close-knit family that makes up for the friendships I do not cultivate. I am curious though, how 60-70 year old introverts find friends.
Introverts must come out of the house even if it’s only to go to book club, knitting, church, or any kind of interest. Go regularly even if it’s just to a coffee shop. No one will ever come to your door seeking you out. That’s been my experience.